A Painful Recovery
by calla lilly rose
Summary: A wreck brings the threat of death back to the forefront of the Curtis family.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer...I neither own nor make any money – profit or otherwise from The Outsiders. The characters are hers, and I thank her for the ideas that have come from her works.

A Painful Recovery

Chapter 1

Crunch

I was never, ever gonna forgive myself for this. I didn't even know how to look him in the eyes and tell him it was my fault. If I had done what he's always telling me I should do, I wouldn't have this agony, this miserable shredding of my own soul to live through. It should be me on that gurney, not him. Yeah, he pissed me off tonight, but he shouldn't have to suffer like this. What he did was a stupid mistake made by an otherwise smart 14 year old kid. What I did was plain idiotic. I might lose him. He might already be dead. They took him away already, his ambulance already en route to the hospital.

The rain had been coming down in droves since noon, and I was still at work, eager to be leaving. Boss man, however, had different ideas. We were doing indoor carpentry work on this house that was due for closing in 2 weeks, and all the indoor work had to be completed by tomorrow. The whole crew was here, and all you could hear were the ping ping pinging of hammers all over the place. Out the windows, though, mud puddles were everywhere. I hoped my truck wouldn't get stuck in this slop, I had parked on the dirt when I got here this morning when everything was dry, but now I was doubtful about it. My tires were losing their tread and needing replacing, but there were other things I needed first.

My electric bill, phone bill, and the mortgage needed to be paid. Of course, everyone seems to get hungry when they step foot in my house, so I have to buy groceries too. I wished those folks not related by blood would realize I'm the one required to feed my younger siblings, it's not just a hobby I dabble in.

Finally, just as the 5 PM bell were ringing (as if we actually had one), we could go. As I expected, I was stuck in the damn mud.

"Carl! Hey Carl! … Can you help?" I pointed at my truck and he just shook his head, disbelieving my luck.

"Curtis, I swear! Park in the street tomorrow, okay? Let me get my rope."

He pulled me out. He's a good guy, that Carl. Gives me hell sometimes but I usually deserve it when I get it.

My lights were on all over the house – again - when I pulled up. Damn it! I told them yesterday about this! I could just see the meter going round and round in my head. Higher and higher goes the bill.

"Hey Darry!" Soda greeted me. I flicked off a few switches as I took off my boots.

"Hey Soda." I mumbled back. I went in to start stripping the days grime off me, when Soda appeared in my doorway. "What?" I asked.

"Uh, Darry, you forget Ponyboy?"

"What about Ponyboy? Ain't he here?"

"No, you told him he could go ..."

".... to the Library after school. Shit, I forgot." I pulled my shirt back on and reached for my keys as I headed back toward the living room.

"You want me to go? I don't mind?"

"No, Soda, I'll get him. Just have dinner ready, okay?"

"Sure, Dar."

Night had fallen by now. That and the relentless torrents of rain weren't helping the poor visibility out my windshield. I made it to the library and pulled up to the curb, waiting.

Five minutes later, I realized he still wasn't in the truck. I pulled the keys, killing the engine. I would have to go in there. He was probably curled up in a corner, reading, oblivious to the time as usual.

"Hey, Martha, my brother around?" Martha was the librarian. She kept her eye on Ponyboy for me, even though Pony didn't know this.

"He left out of here a good 15 minutes ago, Darry. Sorry."

"Thanks." Great, now I'd have to go find him. He was probably walking in this mess. I knew it was my fault, I was supposed to pick him up and forgot. My mistake, but common sense should have told him to stay put and call home for a ride. Or call Two-Bit, or even Steve. Anyone would have given him a ride if he had asked. But this is Ponyboy, and common sense is one thing my youngest brother usually lacks.

I pulled the truck back out and started searching the streets. He'd take the shortest way home, I knew that. This rain would trump his fear of being jumped, and on a night like this he would be the only one walking the streets. Even the whores aren't this desperate for a dollar.

Finally I saw a familiar figure with an even more familiar backpack ahead of me. I honked the horn as I pulled up next to him. He got in, soaked from head to toe.

"Why the hell didn't you wait at the library?"

"Sorry, Darry, figured you were busy and I could get home before you came out." Rain was dripping from his drenched hair into his eyes and ears. He needed a haircut, but I knew he wouldn't get one.

"Ponyboy, I swear! You don't think. You're soaking wet, and your books are probably ruined too. I'm gonna have to pay for the damages. That's money we ain't got."

"Darry, really I..."

"Stop it kiddo, you need to start..."

"WATCH OUT!"

I didn't see the delivery truck coming. It hit me T-Bone style on Pony's side of the truck, hitting him full on. One of us ran a stop sign, but I didn't know which. I just remember feeling a sickening crunch as metal hit metal, glass shattering everywhere, the smell of battery acid as it hit the hot engine and a scream piercing my eardrums just as I was knocked unconscious.

Reviews, please!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

A Cop Visits

I remember everything as if the memories were in a blender, swirling around not sure what was first or last. It all took place in an instant of time, a second off the clock. It started and ended all at once. I remember seeing him be launched from his seat, smashing against the jagged remnants of the windshield then crumpling under the dashboard as jagged metal encased him from the force of our two vehicles colliding in the street.

I couldn't help him. In that same instant I was pushed full throttle against the door, hitting my head against the metal frame of the door jam. My vision failed and I was out.

"Sir, sir don't move..." I heard voices as I was pulled onto a gurney and strapped down, but I had to get to him. Firemen and medical folks were all over the twisted mangled pile of metal that had been my truck. Oh, God, Pony...he's in there somewhere and they can't get to him. As I reached over with my only free hand left, the sudden movement tilted me from consciousness to blackness again.

"Darrel? Darrel Curtis? Can you hear me?" A nurse was leaning over me, and I opened my eyes again. The bright lights stung my eyes as I tried to sit up. "Whoa, son...lay still."

"My truck..... Pony...... is he okay?" I mumbled. I felt weird, like I knew I had pain but couldn't feel it. Cotton mouthed too, unable to speak.

"We're working on your brother in another room, Darrel. Do you have anyone we can call for you?"

Call? Oh yeah. "Call Soda, get Soda..." Man did I feel woozy.

"You can't have anything to drink, Mr. Curtis."

"You don't understand......" I said mumbling. Colors were swirling again and my head hurt. I lay back down, giving in to the need to not move, not think.

XXX

I noticed the clock getting later and later. I hoped Darry wasn't giving Pony another chewing out, especially since this time it was actually Darry's fault. It always seemed to happen though, which is why I wanted to go get him in the first place.

Dinner had been done for at least an hour when Steve strolled in.

"Hey Steve. Hungry?"

"Yeah, I missed dinner. Damn my old man!"

"He tell you to leave again? What is this, the third time this month?"

"Forth. What's for dinner? Hey, where's Superman and your shadow hanging at?"

"Lay off Ponyboy. They're not here." I went to the blinds again looking out at the rain slicked street, starting to get nervous about it. Where were they?

"Not here! What? They go to a movie?"

"No. Darry forgot to pick him up from the library. He went out over an hour ago. They should have been back by now." I turned to Steve. I knew I looked worried, I could feel it all over my body.

"Soda, you're pacing! Sit down. Darry's probably just reading the kid the riot act. Lord knows he's always screwing up someone's plans."

"Why are you always on his case? He's 14. He ain't done nothing to you."

"Whoa, buddy. I didn't mean it like that. Hey...did I just hear a car pull up? It's probably them now."

I turned to open the door and came face to face with a police officer. I couldn't speak at first, wondering which of my brothers had been arrested and for what crime.

"Excuse me...it this the home of Darrel Curtis?"

"I'm his brother, what happened?" Steve came up behind me, not wanting to miss a thing.

Before the cop could speak, I recognized the look on his face. I had seen it before, a year ago. An accident. Injuries. Death. Mom and dad. Now Darry and Ponyboy. Which of them was it, or was it both? I started to shake a little, and Steve put his hand on my shoulder. I was glad he was there.

"I'm sorry. There's been an accident. I need you to go to Tulsa General Hospital, your brothers been hurt."

"How bad?" I asked. When the cop didn't answer and looked down to avoid my eyes, I could tell I was going to lose it.

XXX

The cop didn't answer and I felt Soda just tremble like a leaf in a storm. I squeezed my hand on his shoulder, but he was way past the point of regrouping.

"I'm sorry," was all the cop said. Like that helps, ass hole. I watched him get in his squad car and leave, wanting to slash his tires for the pain he'd just dropped in Soda's lap. No time for it now.

"Come on, Soda. We need to get to the hospital." Since the cop didn't answer Soda's question, I didn't know what their conditions would be. Both dead, hurt or what.

I steered him out the door and got him in my car, then drove to Two-Bits place. This was gonna take both of us to handle.

"Stay here, Soda," I said as I jumped out of the car and banged on Two-Bits front door.

"Whassup?"

"You been drinking, Two-Bit?" I asked hotly. I definitely didn't need him drunk. Not now.

"Only one. What's wrong?"

"Darry and Ponyboy got in a wreck. We need to go. Now."

He slammed his feet in his shoes and grabbed his jacket. "Lets go," he said, fully sobered up.

ZZZ

"Ponyboy and Darrel Curtis," I said to the lady at the ER front desk. "They were brought here by ambulance... they were in a car wreck. They're my brothers." _Please don't send me to a private room_, I thought. I knew what horrible news they give in those rooms, thinking no one in the general area can hear the wailing and sobbing from behind that sliver of a door.

She scanned her papers and sent us to bed 8 in the ER. Thank God, I thought. We went up the hall until I found the room and went in. Darry was sitting up in the gurney, asleep, with a few bandages on his left arm and stitches across his forehead. He had a nasty black eye forming and was bruised along his left shoulder, but I couldn't see anything else. I began to feel better about the accident, thinking it wasn't as bad as I thought.

"Darry? You okay?" I called quietly.

He opened his eyes and looked at me. I saw his chin quivering as he held out his right hand to me. "What happened, Darry?" I saw a tear fall, then another._ No! Oh God no. Please, anything but this_. He wasn't saying a word. I went over to his side and he reached over putting his hand behind my head, pulling me close to him. Barely able to speak through his faltering voice, I made out his words.

"Another truck hit us. Pony got hurt really bad, and I couldn't help him. I couldn't get to him. I tried, Soda, I really tried, but I couldn't....."

"Where's Ponyboy?...... Darry? Damn it....... Where's our brother?" I was shaking again, _don't say it...please don't say it......_

"Surgery. Emergency surgery. It's all I know.

XX

Calla Lilly Rose


	3. Surgery

Chapter 3

Surgery

Two-Bit had stayed by Darry while Steve and I went to the third floor, surgical ward. Due to his head injury, Darry was required to stay in the emergency room for a few more hours for observation. In addition to having 10 stitches in his head and a whole bunch of minor cuts and bruises, he had a minor concussion but would be okay. Besides that, the pain medicine they gave him made him woozy, and he was in no shape to go gallivanting all over the hospital. It was up to me to find our brother.

"Ponyboy Curtis," I said to the nurse at the desk. She looked at her clipboard then at me.

"He's still in surgery. Have a seat in the waiting room and we'll be with you soon."

Steve and I made our way over and sat down. The clock on the wall said 10:30. I watched every second go passing by. Not knowing. It was eating me up.

I bounced my knee, then bounced the other one. I walked in circles around the rows of chairs empty of visitors except for Steve and me. I flipped through magazines at least a year old. Then I went to stare out the window. I looked at the clock again. It was only 11:15. I noticed how quiet the hospital is at night. It never dawned on me that for a place filled with sick and injured people, that the quiet would be so loud. I needed the noise as a distraction. Finally, the loud _ping_ of the elevator broke the silence.

Steve and I turned to see Two-Bit and Darry coming toward us.

"Aren't you out of the ER early, Darry?" Steve piped up quietly so as not to alert the nurse at the desk who so far had been ignoring us. I guess she was used to impatient families waiting here doing anything they can to force time to hurry up.

"Told them I had to pee. Didn't say what restroom I was gonna use." Darry sat down gingerly by me. "How is he?" he quietly asked.

"Don't know. Still in surgery." I quietly said back. If I had to make my voice louder, the knot in my throat would break and more than words would spill out.

Two-Bit walked over to the nurse at the desk. I thought he was going to flirt with her, but surprised even me.

"Is there anything we can do for Pony?" He said. She looked up at him, then at us, and glanced at her clipboard again.

"Are any of you O positive in blood type?" Both Darry and I put out our arms. She smiled and motioned for me to go with her. "I think you're friend should keep what he has for now. Are you Mr. Curtis's brother?"

"Yes. Me and Darry - the other blood volunteer. Is he going to be okay? I looked in her eyes, hoping for a clue. None was there.

"I don't know, but he can use your blood. This will only sting a second." She took a pint from me, then bandaged me up, gave me a cookie and led me back to the gang. It was all I could do for him, but she could have taken it all to save him if he needed it.

The four of us sat and waited, we paced and waited. We flipped through the same old magazines and waited some more. Finally, at the other end of a long hallway, they wheeled a gurney out of a room that I hadn't seen during all this waiting. The time was five minutes until one in the morning. I had no idea who the patient was, but they took the patient around a corner away from our direction and disappeared. Then two men came out from the hidden room and walked toward us. They had on crisp white lab coats and had doctor stuff in the pockets. Once they made it into the "waiting" area, Steve, Two-Bit and I stood up. Darry stayed put in his seat, but looked up at the men in front of us.

"Ponyboy Curtis family?" One of the men asked.

"I'm Sodapop, Pony's my brother. How is he?"

"Are you his guardian?"

"No, I am. How is he." Darry said from his seat.

"I'm Dr. Cook. Your brother is in critical condition. He had extensive internal injuries and a pretty significant amount of blood loss. We had to remove his spleen – it was shredded beyond repair in the accident. Provided he recovers from everything that has happened to him, he can live without it. He was unconscious on arrival and had a hard time breathing on his own. We put a breathing tube into his lungs to help him, and it will stay in until he is able to breath on his own again without failing. A machine is doing all the breathing for him, allowing him to totally rest and recover. He is sedated which helps with the pain.

"His right arm is broken and we have a splint on it for now. Once the swelling goes down, we'll put a cast on his arm until it is fully healed. His right knee also has swelling, but we haven't found any fractures in either of his legs. He has multiple bruises and cuts that will heal in time, again, provided he lives through this. Right now, he just needs rest. We'll know more in the morning. He's being sent to Pediatric Intensive Care now."

"Can we sit with him." I asked, surprised I had found my voice, but it didn't sound like me speaking.

The doctors looked at us. "Immediate family only." They waited a moment longer, then when no one said anything more, they turned and went back up the hallway. I was stunned, barely able to move. Darry was next to me then, and put his arms around me. I could feel his arms, but was trying so hard not to break down in a mass of tears, I could hardly feel him.

"Mr. Curtis," a nurse called gently, "come with me. I'll take you to him."

We followed the nurse, all four of us, down the empty corridors and around hallways until she arrived at some colorful doors – bright reds and blues with ducks and fish painted on the walls around us. I forgot, he's still considered a child even though he's still a few inches shorter than I am. She pushed a button and was buzzed in by some nurse on the other side. We all followed.

"Are you all family?" Asked a different nurse at the desk. "Yes," we all said in unison. She looked like she didn't believe us but didn't dare stop us either.

We arrived at a room and the nurse leading the way stopped and turned to tell us something.

"Before you go in, understand he is badly bruised. He has tubes and wires going from him to machines and monitors near by. Can you handle that?"

We just looked at her and she got the message. She turned the knob and opened the door, allowing us entry into Ponyboy's room. The lights were dim but we could see well enough. With one glance, I closed my eyes and turned away. My stomach turned, and I found a trash can in the corner to vomit in. Steve was there by my side in an instant, his hand on my back. Oh baby, I never would have imagined this.

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose


	4. Strength Transfused

Chapter 4

Strength Transfused

I rinsed my mouth at the sink I found myself standing next to, Steve handing me a paper towel to wipe my mouth with when I was done. Darry was still standing by the door, looking as if in shock at what lay before us. Two-Bit wasn't looking, he never had a stomach for real sickness, he couldn't stay at Johnny's bedside either, and that was just a few months ago that we lost him...him and Dally both. But now he just held onto Darry, keeping him from falling. He reached over and got the chair by the door, and put it behind Darry's legs, and Darry just sat, right where he was. Now that my stomach was empty, and I was getting over the initial shock, I realized that Darry probably still had a few medicines in his system that were keeping him from taking charge like he normally does in situations like this. That or guilt was doing him in. Guilt from what I didn't know, I still hadn't found out what happened, but that would have to wait. I had to see to Pony first. I found my feet again, and moved closer to the bed. Steve stayed where he was at the sink, like Two-Bit, not able to deal with this. Not even able to face it.

As I neared his bed and looked down, I gazed on the badly bruised and beaten shell of my brother. It hardly resembled anything of the happy kid I saw this morning, asking in his still- yet-to -deepen voice permission to go to the library. Christ - all he wanted was a book to read, now look at him.

His right arm was bent at the elbow as it should naturally, but there was nothing else natural about it. His whole arm was wrapped from armpit to fingertip in a splint, and lay resting on a pillow. Dried blood lay under his untrimmed ragged fingernails. His hand and fingers lay visibly swollen within the gauze.

Pulling back the sheets, I wanted a full view of the damage done to him. He wasn't wearing a gown yet, but I didn't care. It didn't matter to me. He's my baby brother. I'd seen him every day as we dressed in the mornings searching for undershorts and pants that never seemed to be in the correct drawers, and we slept in the same bed. Clothed, yes, but still... His nudity didn't bother me. His body, right now, did.

His abdomen was bandaged from mid line of his front all the way around to his side where they had cut him open in surgery. Cut him to staunch the bleeding. The bleeding that was going to kill him because it refused to be stopped. To remove the organ that would end his life before he had begun to live it. A human body only has so much blood it can lose before it is past the point of no return. The doctors must have gotten to it in time, he was still here, but barely. I noticed below the bandage some of his blood was still on his skin, smeared across, and dried. The larger drops starting to crack and flake. He hadn't been cleaned yet, it was still all so fresh. It was only a few hours ago that he was in perfect health reading a book in the library. Just reading a book....

His hips were bruised on both sides, purplish blue welts on either side of him. His right knee was swollen and was wrapped up with a cold pack on it. A pillow was also under his knee, elevating it to relieve the pressure on the joint and also to help with the swelling. He had told me about relieving the pain with the pillow bit before, after he ran the distance race in his track meet last spring. He came in 2nd, but not without great effort. Both his knees bothered him that night, and he chose to keep his pillow under his knees instead of under his head. I thought he was kidding about the pain. How could I have been so stupid. Pony knew more about pain than most of us. Physical pain and emotional pain. I vowed I would not make that mistake again.

Another bandage was wrapped around his right ankle, probably a sprain. He was used to sprains, getting at least one every year from all the running he did. He had gotten so used to those that he rarely let them slow him down. Only if they were bad, then Darry and I would see him limping around the house, swallowing pills thinking we didn't notice. It was rare that he let us know it, usually he just sucked it up and went with it.

Now I had no choice, I had to see the parts that scared me the most. I lowered his sheet, and looked at his chest. It rose and fell with the air being forced into his lungs by the big monstrous machine at the side of the bed. A long fat tube ran from the machine to another smaller tube that disappeared into his mouth. I supposed it somehow went into his lungs. The smaller tube was taped, literally to his face, so it wouldn't come out. Another tube ran along side it, going to other parts inside him for reasons I didn't know.

His face, yesterday so clean and unmarked – not even a razer knick as he hasn't even begun to shave, now had numerous cuts that resembled road rash over his forehead and along his hairline. Impact with the shattered windshield was my best guess. Both his eyes were swollen shut, his long eyelashes suddenly seeming smaller than ever before. His right cheek was an ugly deep purplish blue bruise, worse than any rumble had ever given any of us. He had no way to defend himself from this.

The bruising continued over his neck and shoulders. In fact there were very few spots on him that weren't showing the signs he had just been pulled back as he teetered on the precipice of death itself.

I shook something fierce as I smoothed the covers over him. A chair appeared behind me as Steve steadied me in front of it, then with gentle pressure bade me to sit. The only limb of Pony's left to hold was itself fulfilling a job. Three bags of fluids hung above him on a pole. His arm had three IV's, one on the back of his hand, one in the crook of his elbow and a third secured halfway between the other two. Attached to his arm were three sets of tubing that brought the fluids from the bags above him into his arm. One of those bags contained _my_ blood. _Curtis_ blood. Freely given from one to another. Again I thought, they could take it all if that's what they need to keep him alive. My life is his for the taking.

I watched as Darry moved up to the right side of him, and looked for something to hold, where he could touch Pony without inflicting more pain or interfering with all the tubes and wires that snaked from his chest, arms and head to the machines around us, beeping and buzzing in their own right. His arm and hand out of the question, his chest swathed in bandages. Finally Darry put his hand on the blanket covering Pony's leg, careful to stay away from the swollen knee, and laid his head down on the bed next to him. With the rhythmical _whoosh whoosh_ sounds of the ventilator breathing for Ponyboy, and the last of the pain medicine coursing through Darry's system, Darry soon fell asleep. Two-Bit sits in a chair next to Darry, his head resting in his folded arms while sleep also pulls him away from this reality. Steve keeps a vigil with me, his hand resting on my back but his eyes staring only at a fold in the sheet I missed.

I start to bawl, unable to hold it in any longer. Tears taking their own course of action, but I do my best to make no noise. I held Pony's limp hand, there was no response from him. None whatsoever. Not a twitch or a flutter of his swollen eyelashes. Nothing. As if this bruised and beaten body were as I thought when I first came in and saw him laying here... a shell and he really wasn't in it. But I gently held those long thin fingers of his left hand, stroked them gently from his hand over each knuckle to the tips of his nails, crying softly for him to be better, to wake up, to not die, to fight this battle, to take my strength, to come back to us - somehow. My God, come back to us, Ponyboy. Please.

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose


	5. Pain

Chapter 5

Pain

I opened my eyes to find nothing much had changed since falling asleep a few hours ago. Around the bed I saw the sleeping form of Two-Bit, who had laid his head against the empty space at the foot of the bed and was still asleep on it. Steve's chair was empty. I looked around the room but he wasn't here. I hadn't heard him leave, but I was too out of it myself to have heard anything. The only thing I couldn't stop hearing echoing in my head was Pony screaming as our vehicles collided, sending him ricocheting around the truck a half second before I was knocked out.

Soda was on the other side of Ponyboy, asleep as well, his head also down on the bed by Pony's hand. Their fingers were still intertwined with each others. It struck me then, how those two always had a physical connection at night when they slept. Soda's arm over Pony or Pony curled into a ball tucked into Soda's chest were just two of the many ways I found them in the morning. Separation from each other at night had not happened since Pony returned from Windrixville. I realized now that neither could rest if they were alone.

I hoped Pony was getting rest. Yes, he was sedated, but that didn't mean he was _resting._ I looked at him, his eyes and face were bruised and swollen still. The swelling had gone down some but the bruising seemed only angrier. That breathing tube – it made it all worse, knowing he had to have that to live, that he wasn't strong enough right now to live without it. And _I did this_. If I had just paid more attention to the road, Ponyboy wouldn't be in this mess.

I got up from my chair and bent over next to Pony's ear. "Pony? Can you hear me?" I looked at his eyes when I spoke to him, no movement, no change. "I love you, baby. I'm sorry." I kissed his forehead, feeling the roughness from the scratches on his skin on my lips. Yesterday it was smooth. I hoped once he heals, the scarring would be minimal. I'll tackle forgiveness later.

I stepped to the window of his room and watched the sunrise. He was fascinated by sunrises and sunsets. I never really got into them, none of the rest of us did, but_ he _did. _Wake up, Pony_, I thought. _This is your favorite time of the day._

The creak of the door caught my attention. I turned around to see Steve walk in balancing a thing of donuts on a tray of coffees.

"Morning Darry. How ya feeling?" He asked quietly.

He joined me at the window and handed me a coffee. I took it, sipping the hot liquid slowly.

"I'm okay, Steve. No matter how banged up I am," I looked at Pony now, "I'm okay."

Steve nodded his head, understanding the comparison. "He's going to be alright, Darry. It's a rough patch right now for him. But he's a tough kid. He'll pull through."

I looked at him. His words may have confidence, but his eyes had doubts.

A stirring at the bed got my attention again. Soda sat up and was stroking Pony's hand again. He looked so tired, so exhausted. Colorless. I don't know how long he had stayed awake last night, but I presumed it was a long time after I fell asleep. He reached over to Pony's face and softly kissed his cheek, then joined us at the window.

"Here, Soda, a double chocolate hot cocoa, just for you pal." Steve handed Soda his drink, and he held it for a minute before sipping it.

"How are you, Darry? How bad were you hurt?" He asked me.

"I'm fine, little buddy. The truck hit us on Pony's side, that's why he got the worst of it." I wouldn't bother to tell him I had a whopper of a headache, was stiff and sore from head to toe and my dizziness wouldn't stop. Compared to what Pony was going through, I was fine. "Don't worry about me."

"Guys," Two-Bit was awake, "I think you need to come here." It wasn't a race and the room was in reality too small to be running in, but you'd have thought it was a hundred yard dash to see us all get to Pony's side. Soda got there first. "Look," was all Two-Bit said.

A tear had escaped from under Pony's slightly swollen closed eye lids and was making a track down his bruised face, only to disappear behind his hairline. A few seconds later, another tear began it's own search for freedom along a similar path.

"Pony, baby, can you hear me?" Soda held Ponyboy's left hand while talking quietly next to his side. Yet another tear fell free from his eyes. Then, ever so slightly, I saw it. Soda had to have felt it. A slight movement, so faint I could barely register it as having happened. Pony squeezed Soda's hand back.

"It's going to be alright, Pony. Just hang in there."

Two-Bit went to get the nurse while we stayed at his bedside. There wasn't anything else we could do, except talk to him and watch him cry. _Oh please don't be in pain, Ponyboy. Please don't be suffering like that._

WWWWWW

Pain. Everywhere. Blinding white hot, searing across my every fiber. It had no starting point, it had no end. It just_ was_.

My eyes were too heavy to move and they felt funny, as if it were more than just my lids laying over the green of my irises. Tears fell out of my control.

I tried to speak, but felt choked by foreign things filling my mouth. I still had air, but it too felt unusual, forced and it hurt to take it in. I had no choice though. My control was gone.

My arms didn't cooperate. Besides the pain that rushed to my limbs with every thought of movement I gave them, my right arm was totally..._wrong_! I had no other words to describe it. My left arm felt heavy, but I had concentrated really hard and managed-I think- to wiggle my fingers.

Suddenly I felt gentleness, a caress. My hand was held. I could sense the warmth from someone else's touch. It hurt to be moved in the manner they were moving me, but it was pain I could accept. I wasn't alone as I had thought I was, in the darkness and the pain I was in. Someone was with me. This person and possibly another was gently stroking my face, my forehead, my cheek.

As if from a great distance, likened only to a whisper in the wind, I could hear words of comfort filter through the pain. I knew Soda's gentle tone, I had heard it before. Same for Darry's. His was unusual, as he was rarely gentle and sincere, unless one of us was in really bad shape. I wondered how bad I was to have him be here like this.

I tried to move my fingers again. It hurt so bad – like a massive jolt of agony with each cognizant thought to move what so clearly _did not _want to be moved.

"It's okay, Pony... rest. We're here, baby. Rest now."

I heard the voice, not sure really who's it was. But I knew the voice. I couldn't put a face with it yet. I was too tired. I took the advice and shut down my desire to move. It was too exhausting. I wanted the pain to go away...and finally it did. I welcomed sleep as it took me away from the agony I couldn't escape from in any other capacity.

XX

Calla Lilly Rose


	6. Extubation

Chapter 6

Extubation

Tones. Monotonous tones. Like a busy signal on a phone. _Someone put the phone down....please!_ But it wasn't a phone. I dunno what it was, but it continued to beep. I hated it. You try listening to a steady _beep beep beep _hour after hour – you'll go mad too.

I tried to open my eyes and this time they cooperated. As things blearily came into focus, I could tell I was in a hospital bed. I recognized the uncaring feel of the sheets on top of and under me as well as the cold indifference the room had. Not only that, but I could feel the many wires on my chest and saw the IV things above me on a pole leading down to my arm. But I couldn't _touch _anything.

Suddenly I was scared. I didn't like hospitals. Too many people I loved died in them, and if I was the one laying in the bed, then I stood a pretty good chance at being next in line for death. I could feel a panic rising in me, but my breathing was all jacked up. The more I tried to breathe in, the harder it was to actually pull in the air. That put me in pure terror mode, remembering back to being held under in the fountain. I couldn't call for help. I tried to use my arms but my right one felt like it was mired in cement, while my left one was barely useful. I could hardly move it off the bed.

Suddenly, voices called to me and strong hands were on my face, and I tried to blink back the fear. Help me. Oh God, please... help me!

XX

Soda and Darry were in the hallway with the doctor, leaving me alone with Ponyboy. I watched over him, feeling so helpless for the kid. He was the youngest of us and had seen more shit than all of us combined. And we have seen our share of shit! But Pony has seen _death_...not once, not twice, but at least five times in a little over a year. Both his parents, Johnny and Dallas, Bob Sheldon. Even though Bob wasn't a friend of ours..._by no means_....he was a Soc, but Pony saw him laying dead right next to him after damn near being drowned by the sorry son-of-a-bitch anyway. How much crap can a fourteen year old take before he retreats within himself never to emerge again? If it had been me, I'd have gone into internal hiding long ago. But Pony just keeps weathering the storms to look for the sunrises that follow. We all loved the kid and tried our best to protect him, but this was a battle we couldn't have predicted. Within him are our hopes for a brighter future. But looking at him right now, I wondered if he would live to_ have _a future.

As I sat thinking about all this, I watched his heart monitor. The thing had been monotonous all night, staying near 82. That's almost one and a half _beeps_ every second. Trust me, I've heard it all last night, the night before that and the night before that when he came out of surgery. We all had. Except to piss or smoke, none of had left the room. Whoever did leave brought back food for those of us left behind. Even Steve stayed, but he finally had to leave this morning or his boss was gonna fire him. Soda had an excuse...it was his brother on life support, not Steve's, so off he went.

His swelling had gone way down, leaving him as one huge bruise from across his face down his shoulders, across his chest and ending on his hips. His abdomen was finally left free of bandages so the incision would heal...he had a 3 inch slice in him covered by stitches on his side where they took out his spleen. Poor kid cant catch a break. Even his right arm was broken. When the swelling went down they came in and casted it, and now his whole arm sits propped up on a pillow, his slender fingers sticking out the other end.

As I sat here, wondering what Pony was thinking behind his closed eyes, I began to realize the beeping had increased. After another minute, my eyes looked at his and did a double take. They were open and were darting from side to side. The kid looked terrified.

The breathing machine started beeping then the monitor above him started beeping...everything going off at once. What the hell?

"Ponyboy, it's okay kid. Calm down." I stood over him so he could see me, and traced my fingers over his creased brow like I had seen Soda do a hundred times before. "Calm down, kid. You're gonna be okay." As I did this, the door opened and both Soda and Darry came in. I was glad, Soda always knew how to calm him better than anyone.

I watched as Soda held Pony's left hand and got almost nose to nose with him, speaking softly about stuff only they could hear. Pony calmed down – at least everything stopped beeping angrily. It was just the heart monitor annoying me again, but after the few seconds of sheer panic I just went through, I could live with it. Gladly.

XXX

I couldn't talk. Damn...I couldn't say a word! What was this thing in my mouth and down my throat? It choked me. I tried to push it out with my tongue but it only made me gag worse. I wanted it gone...whatever it was.

I soon got my wish. Some lady came in and tried to usher everyone out, but I held onto Soda with strength I didn't know I had. I was terrified at being in the room alone, trapped by a machine that wouldn't let me breathe like I wanted to, gagging me the whole time, unable to move anything more than a finger and with pain shooting down me with every attempt I had to fight this madness. So I held onto the one thing that I knew would protect me, with whatever strength I had left. Soda. Finally the lady gave up and went on doing what she was gonna do. She put a towel on my chest, undid the tape on my face and told me to take a deep breath. Next thing I knew, I was coughing for all I was worth as the tube was suddenly pulled from my throat. I could at last breathe on my own again and was elated to not feel the forced air being pushed into my lungs.

"Thanks." I weakly gasped out, my voice all but destroyed.

She smiled, took her breathing machine and left my room. It was just me and Soda for a while.

"Are you hurting?" He asked gently.

"A little. I whispered back.

"I'll get the nurse." he started to get up, but I held onto him.

"No, please......stay." Ohhh, my throat.

He sat back down. "Okay...don't talk. I'm right here."

I closed my eyes, damn I hurt. He trailed his fingers over my forehead and smoothed my hair, finally I succumbed to his touch, falling asleep a few minutes later.

XXX

I watched him close his eyes and knew it would only be a matter of minutes. Sure enough, his breathing was light and gentle, and his eye lids no longer fluttered with movement

The door opened and Darry and Two-Bit returned. I put my finger to my lips to let them know to be quiet, and they nodded.

"How's he doing?" Darry quietly asked.

"He just went to sleep. He's in a little pain, but wouldn't let me get the nurse."

"He talking okay?" Two-Bit asked.

We had been told that he could have a strained voice from the breathing tube, but it should go away in time. I looked at him. "Yeah, Raspy and sore...but talking."

"Guys, y'all need anything? I'm gonna head home for a shower, change of clothes and some real food. What can I get ya?"

"Nothing." Darry said. "Soda, head out with Two-Bit and get some rest. You've been here since the accident."

I started to protest, but he shook his head at me.

"Don't argue, Soda. You need it. Come back in a few hours after you have showered and slept some. Pony and I will still be here. Two-Bit, you mind dropping him off?"

"Nah. My pleasure."

I got up, resigned to my brothers request. I bent over and kissed Pony on the forehead before turning to leave. With one last glance, I followed Two-Bit out the door.

XXX

I sat in the chair vacated by Soda and gazed on Pony's face. He looked so young. Maybe it was just how he looked in this strange bed with all the medical equipment around him. I couldn't escape the feeling that it was I who put him here either. Damn guilt. It ate me up. I held his hand, my big calloused ones overshadowing his smaller ones that had yet to have little more than fight scars on them.

The door opening brought me back to my senses.

"Hey Darry...this a bad time?"

"Hey Steve. No, come on in."

He looked at Pony, realizing the tube was gone. "Hey, kid breathing on his own now...huh?"

"Yeah. They took the tube out today. His voice is shot, but it'll get better."

Silence filled the room a few moments. Steve grabbed a chair from the wall and turned it around, sitting backwards it it next to me. "Darry, I saw your truck. I can try to fix it...but...it's gonna take a long time and I can't promise you good results. I'm good with engines, but this is gonna take a lot of body work."

"Thanks, between you and Soda, if y'all can't fix it, then it's not fixable."

"Tim came by the station today. He's got a loaner for ya. No charge. Here." Steve dug into his pockets and pulled out a key, handing it to me.

I took it, despising the feeling in my chest. I hated having to depend on others, but I had to have wheels. This would do for now. Tim knew that by sending the keys by Steve, I wasn't gonna say no, either. "Thanks, Steve."

"No problem. I'll show you where I parked it when you're ready."

We sat in silence watching Pony sleep for a while, then he sighed, scrubbing his face.

"He gonna be okay?"

I looked at him. Outright compassion for Pony was unusual from him. I nodded. "He still needs another transfusion, they siphoned off my blood a while ago. He'll do okay without his spleen though once he recovers from everything. His ankle is badly sprained and doc just told me they found a hairline fracture in his right knee. Nothing they can cast, a wrap on it will be sufficient. Now that he is off the breathing machine, they stopped the sedation, which means his pain will begin to worsen. They can still give him stuff for it through his IV, but I don't want him getting the hard stuff, it's too addictive. Considering his low pain tolerance...this ain't gonna be easy."

"Anything I can do?" Steve asked quietly.

"You're doing it already, my friend." I looked at him. "Thank you for being here. Even if you and Pony don't get along too well."

Pony started to stir a little, his left hand moving some as if searching for something. Darry took his hand and held it, and Pony calmed some.

XXX

Owww... my side was hurting. My arm was hurting. "So...da." Hell, now my throat was hurting. I opened my eyes and saw Steve and Darry. I felt Darry's hand holding mine.

"Hey Pone. What's wrong, baby?"

"Hurts....Darry." The more I thought about it, the worse it got. I watched Steve get up and leave. He returned a moment later with a nurse, who gave me something in my IV and the pain began to fade away. Along with it, my ability to stay awake.

"Steve" I called, stripping my voice of what vocals I had left. He came over to me and leaned over.

"Yeah, Pony?"

"Thanks." I whispered. My eyes were heavy, but I saw him smile at me. Or smirk. One of them.

"You're welcome, kid."

Before I gave into the feeling, I felt him brush his fingers over my forehead. I closed my lids. Damn I was tired.

CLR


	7. Forgiveness

Chapter 7

Forgiveness

I looked around this room. It was just any other hospital room, but this one was not in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. The doctor had decided I wasn't at deaths door anymore, so I was sent here. It may have been a _different_ room but it looked the same. Tired white walls, tired popcorn textured ceiling, faded nasty curtains. At least the droning on of the monitors had ended, all I had was one IV left.

Now they wanted me to get up and_ walk_. I looked at them as if they were_ stupid_. _**How**_? My right leg was totally out of commission. Broken knee, badly sprained ankle. If I started to fall, I couldn't really do much to stop myself from becoming one with the floor as my right arm was also in a cast. Not to mention I am hazard prone by nature. I get black and blue just walking around in my own house...with both fully functional feet under me. But this nurse wants me to _walk_?

"Just try," she said sweetly.

Shit. You have_ got _to be kidding me.

I eased myself up to sit on the side of the bed and looked at my brothers. Soda came and got on one side of me while Darry stood on the other. Gingerly I pushed myself up, trying to balance on my one good leg.

From behind me, I heard snickering. "I see London, I see France, Pony's not wearing any underpants." Two-Bit teased. Turning slightly, I saw Steve shape his hands as if he was holding a camera, taking an imaginary picture at my backside.

I had heard, obviously, and my will to do this evaporated as I sank backwards from embarrassment.

"No, just never mind, forget it," I said trying to sit back down.

"Just ignore them, Pone. Come on, you're doing fine." Darry encouraged, leading me forward. I caught his glance back at the guys. He shot both Steve and Two-Bit a look of death, and neither teased me again.

"Two-Bit, grow up." Soda said not seeing Darry's glance back. Soda pulled my hospital gown over to at least cover my bare ass hanging out the back.

I tried to put weight on my right leg, but my foot wouldn't take the pressure and I started to slip. "Darry!" I called out as the pain and fear hit me, reaching out with my good hand to try to grab anything to hold onto. Soda had me by the waist but it was Darry who kept me from falling.

"I gotcha, Pone." He said, strong arms under my armpits. He carefully sat me back on the bed but I didn't lay back down.

The fog from all the painkillers was lifting and my thought were getting clearer. I sat on the bed and pulled my leg out from under that ridiculous hospital gown, shaking my head while gingerly touching my wrapped knee.

"You okay?" Darry asked.

I looked at him and shrugged, wincing from the pain that motion had brought me from my arm. "Guess my running days are done." I said simply.

"Aww, no they're not, Pony. You just need more time to heal up." Soda said, trying to be optimistic.

"When can I go home?" I asked, dejected, staring at the floor.

"Doc said hopefully by Friday as long as nothing else goes wrong." Darry answered back.

"But first we have to get you somewhat mobile." Soda finished.

Up I went again, my gown pulled around me by Soda who gave my gawkers an _I-dare-you-to-say-a_-_word _look. With one brother on either side of me, I tried again to take a step.

I tried. I really did, but as soon as I put any pressure on the ball of my foot, my whole leg gave out. I could sense my whole future falling apart. Track was my ticket to college if my grades didn't work, and now it looked like that ticket was null and void.

Tears of frustration welled up in my eyes, a few fell down my face. Soda saw them, but mistook them as tears of pain.

"Darry, he's had enough." He said with concern.

Darry saw my face and with the Superman strength he's known for, had me back in bed before I could explain.

Two-Bit put the pillow back under my knee while Steve finished eating my lunch the aide had brought in a while ago.

"Sorry bout that stuff earlier, kid." Two-Bit said.

I looked at him and shook my head. "It's okay, Two-Bit. Probably the best ass you've seen in a long time."

He looked at me and grinned, ruffling my hair. "You're a real piece of work, kiddo."

I smiled but only halfheartedly.

"Well, Soda...we got to get going if we're gonna get to work on time." Steve said, hopping off the window ledge, leaving the apple core on my tray.

"Yeah, okay." He stretched and grabbed his hat from the bed. "Pony, I'll see you tonight. Later Darry, Two-Bit."

"Bye." We called out as they left the room.

"You need anything, kid?" Two-Bit asked.

"Nah." I said, starting to feel the twang of pain in my leg.

"Here, Two-Bit..." Darry got out some money and handed it to him. "Go down to the cafeteria and get Pony a sandwich, seeing as how Steve ate his lunch."

"You don't have to Darry. I'm not hungry." I started to say, but Darry just shook his head.

"And a jug of milk."

Now I scowled at him. I dislike drinking milk unless I was at home. I liked milk fine, but the sour taste it left in my mouth an hour later was enough to make me wretch.

"You need the protein and calcium, little man." Darry said in a tone that meant -_argument over._

While Two-Bit was out, I looked at Darry. I knew that my injuries had been pretty bad. That my foot and knee were jacked up were obvious, and I wasn't gonna arm wrestle anyone for a long while. I had also been told my spleen was no more. I didn't really understand what a spleen does, just another organ to clean and store blood...Darry had told me, but that sounded kinda important. Why it was okay to not have one still confused me.

Other than that, I just felt wasted all the time. Perhaps it was from all the blood I lost, my many days lying in a drug induced painful sleep or just out and out exhaustion...take your pick.

But I also knew Darry had been hurt too. He was always the strong one, but I didn't have to look hard to see the tell- tale signs.

He had dark circles under his eyes from worry and lack of sleep. Over his left eyebrow were stitches - due to come out soon – closing a gash caused in the wreck. Around the area of his gash was the faintest trace of a bruise.

He saw me looking at him. "What, Pone?" he asked.

"You okay, Darry? How bad were you hurt?" He had never mentioned his own injuries.

He moved over next to me on the bed. I'm fine, Pony." He looked at me, a sad anguish in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Ponyboy, that this happened to you. It's my fault..."

I put my hand on him, to stop him. "It was an accident, Darry. That's all it was. If I hadn't been walking in the rain, if I had just stayed in the library... we'd have been home before the truck came out. I'm...I'm just glad you're okay. I...I don't know what I'd do if... if you were hurt too." I couldn't look at him. My eyes had tears in them and I'd already cried a lifetime's worth in front of Darry.

He put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up. He smiled at me, controlling his emotions better.

"I don't know what I'd do if I lost you either. I love you, kiddo."

I put my good arm around him and nestled into his chest, my head just under his shoulder. He smoothed out my filthy hair and held me for a moment, pulling away when the door opened up.

Two-Bit came in, carrying two bags of what smelled like burgers and fries. He also had Pepsi's for them and -yuck- milk for me. But I drank it. Darry, after all, did know what he was talking about. I would try my best to remember that more.

CLR


	8. Walking

Chapter 8

Walking

*Yawn* I watched Pony sleeping, wondering just how we were gonna do this. He looked like he was on the mend and from what the doctors said, he was actually doing pretty well. He was taking pain pills every six hours or so and I could only hope he wouldn't get addicted. It was bad enough knowing he ate aspirin at home as if they were candy. He thinks I don't know of his little appetite for them, but hell, I'm the one buying them. How could I not know?

Plus, I was gonna have to rid my house of aspirin, which I knew he wouldn't like. The doctors told me what aspirin does to your blood, and knowing he no longer has a spleen … well, it terrifies me. The doctors said Tylenol was better than aspirin for regular pain and wouldn't interfere with his bleeding, so I sent Soda home hours ago on a pill finding adventure, as he knew more of Pony's secret hiding spots than I did.

He could get real creative when hiding stuff. I was amazed at the things I found hidden in drawers, on top of cabinets and tucked behind the towels and sheets in the linen closet. I knew it was Ponyboy hiding the stuff, Soda wouldn't bother hiding the crap and usually shared the magazines with me before they made their permanent voyage to Two-Bits house. I had only found one hidden Playboy magazine and thought it funny....Pony doesn't even act like he likes girls, but perhaps he was growing up and starting to get curious. That or it was a leftover from Soda's days, considering it was very, very old. Anyway, I usually put the hidden aspirins and other assorted finds back once I made sure nothing was going to hurt him...or was too graphic. I was young and innocent once too. _Was_ – cause I ain't either anymore.

But my biggest concern was - how was he gonna manage at home? He wasn't walking yet, he's been trying but still cant put pressure on that foot. They took another x-ray of it trying to see if there was a break in it that they missed before, but they still didn't find anything again.

One of us has been here with him since the accident, even Steve, which shocked me. Now that Pony's out of the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, Steve was reverting back to his old ways of teasing him which I put a stop to. Temporarily anyway. I caught him roaming the hospital corridor the other day and asked him in my own gentle way to knock that bullshit out and save it for home, not the hospital. Pony needs our support here, and I know not being able to take care of his own personal needs was really, _really_ bothering him.

It was worse for him when I left, as I had to go back to work during the day. He hated asking the guys to help him into the bathroom, and usually tried to wait - no matter how much pain it caused him until Soda or I came in. One look on his face and I could easily tell what was wrong. He could take care of the _business _end of it - I was just used for transport, but it degraded him to ask for that help. I didn't know what we'd do once he was released from the hospital.

I looked at him again. He was still asleep. I got up and stretched, those chairs being the most uncomfortable pieces of furniture I've ever sat in. I needed to get out of the room for a while, maybe get some coffee and wake up. I slipped out the door, shutting it quietly behind me and made my way again down the unfortunately now familiar halls.

XX

The click from the door latch closing woke me up. Odd, such a small sound can pull me from sleep to alert in a fraction of a second. Not that I've ever been a heavy sleeper, but this was worse. The sound unnerved me - metal hitting metal... the door latch hitting the metal plate on the door frame... two vehicles on a rainy night. I was awake now, and once my breathing was better, I looked around. Alone again.

"Darry?......Soda?"

No answer. Waiting another moment, I felt the familiar need all humans feel – I had to go. This time, no one was here. I was on my own, and it wasn't going to wait until someone came to help me either. Oh _Fuck_! This was gonna hurt like a son-of-a-bitch.

I pulled my blankets off and felt the coolness of the room on my bare legs. I swung my feet over and held onto the side table with my left arm and stood up, feeling the stinging prickles of pain jumping up my leg as I slowly let my weight balance on either foot.

Looking around the room, I plotted my course in my head so I would have something to hold onto with each step. I started...._ oh GOD did it hurt_. I whimpered and gritted my teeth, one step at a time. Sweat began to rise on my face as the prickles turned into stabbing furies of agony with each step I took. But, I made it. Looking back from the toilet to the bedside you'd have thought it ten miles uphill, but it was more like six feet. I made it though, on my own.

While sitting there letting nature take its course, I realized how bad my body smelled. I had been in the ICU for three days and this was my third day in this room too. In all that time, I hadn't showered once. Soda told me they cleaned me up while in the ICU... I don't remember it, but I still felt dirty. Nasty dirty. When I finished taking care of business, I looked at myself in the mirror over the sink. I hated what I saw. I had to be the greasiest hood in town, cause that was _natural _oil in my hair. I needed a shower...somehow.

I pulled the nurse call button and stood there, waiting. She came in and stared at the empty bed, probably wondering where I was. I scared the wits out of her when I spoke quietly from the bathroom doorway.

"Is there anyway I can take a shower?"

"Why, Ponyboy! You're up and out of bed! Wonderful! A shower, sure! Let me wrap your cast and take the wraps off your leg."

She wrapped towels over the cast on my arm then covered it with a plastic trash bag, taping it up to keep the water off of it, then she freed my leg of the wraps. She handed me a little bottle of shampoo and turned on the shower for me.

"Need any other help?" She asked. Unless she was gonna take off my gown and do the actual scrubbing herself, I think I was done with her assistance. Anyone else in the gang would probably have asked for more.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks."

"Okay, while you're in here, I'm going to change your bed linens and get you a fresh gown and towels. So if you need anything, just call out. I'm here."

"Thanks." I said again. I pulled the door closed and limped into the stall. It was awkward with one leg and one arm out of use, but I managed somehow to turn into a big bubble, scrubbed up then rinsed off. When I dried off I felt better, somehow...but my leg was beyond stabbing agony. I had to get off of it, and soon.

"You doing okay, Ponyboy?" The nurse asked from the other side of the door.

"Just....hurts." I said, not wanting to admit to the pain. I put the clean gown on as best I could and started to stumble. My leg had taken all it could.

"Um...help..." I said, sort of loud but not screaming. The door opened and her arm was around me in an instant.

"Lift your leg, don't put any weight on it." She said as serious as a stroke.

For such a small woman, she was rather strong. She helped me hop my way across the room and I sank happily into clean sheets.

"You look like a new person! How do you feel?" She asked, wrapping my foot and knee back up in new wraps and taking the plastic and towels off my cast.

"My leg is killing me, but I feel better."

"I already have your pills." She pointed at the medicine cup on my table.

I swallowed them dry, eager for the relief they gave. She put pillows under my whole leg, placing ice on the joints that hurt, propped my arm up on yet more pillows then pulled the clean sheets over me. My eyes were heavy and I fell asleep, having the nurse tuck me in with gentle hands.

XXX

"Mr. Curtis....Darrel!"

I stopped when I heard my name being called. Turning from Pony's closed door, his nurse came over to me.

"Can I speak with you a moment?" She asked, leading me away from his room.

"Sure, is he okay?" I had only been gone about an hour, what had happened?

She smiled. "Ponyboy walked himself to the bathroom on his own. Then he took a shower. He was pretty exhausted and hurting when he was done so I have him back in bed. I gave him his pain meds already. I expected it to hurt, this being his first time out of bed on his own. His leg is swollen again from the stress of walking on it..."

She saw the concerned look on my face.

"Oh, no....it's expected to swell once he starts using it again, until it gets better. I have it elevated and with ice on it. He's doing very, very well. He's asleep. I just wanted you to know how well he's doing. He's about ready to go home!"

I smiled, relieved and worried at the same time. He's up and hobbling about. We were closer to our normal lives again.

"Thank you." I said to her as she went back to her work. I opened the door to see him sleeping soundly. He looked better, he smelled better. His hair was clean and still damp. We still had a long way to go to get back to_ normal,_ but we were closer than we had been. He walked! Thank heaven! One less of my million worries to think of.

CLR


	9. Home

Chapter 9

Home

XXX

"Are you ready to go home, son?" The doctor had asked me and boy, was I ever. I had spent seven days confined in this building and I wanted out.

"Yes sir!" I said.

"Then I think it's time we let you go home. Mr. Curtis, if you'll go with me to the nurse's desk, she'll have the forms for you."

I watched as Darry and the doctor headed off to the nurses station while I lay back, staring at that ugly popcorn ceiling for what I hoped would be the last time. I had stared at it for so long I had imagined highways and rivers intermingled in the patterns over my head.

Soda came over and sat down next to me once the door closed behind them. "Okay, now that they're gone, what's going on in your head? Come on, spill it."

Soda was good...I'll give him that. But this time I had no answer. "How are we getting home?" I asked quietly, just so I could give him a question and stop his probing me for others.

"In the car Tim is letting us borrow, you know that."

"How's our truck coming along?"

Soda looked down and shook his head. "It ain't looking good. The front axle snapped, the entire side panel is crushed in and much of the engine will have to be overhauled. I don't know if Steve and I _can_ fix it. We're trying though. You don't need to worry about that." He looked at me closer.

"What?" I asked.

"I know the kind of hit you had to have taken if the axle broke and the frame was crushed. It was where you were sitting, Pone. You're real lucky ...by all counts, this should have been worse. That makes us all lucky, little brother, cause we need you."

I stared at my badly bruised knee. I was wrapping it myself now, but I had the wrap off to stretch my leg some. It was a losing battle though. It was sore if I kept it wrapped and sore if I stretched it. Nothing gave me relief.

"What else is on your mind?" He continued.

"Nothing." I said. I wasn't exactly honest, but I wasn't lying either. I had too many thoughts running loose in my head to pinpoint any one thing that really bothered me.

"Po - ny..." he said, dragging my name out. He just looked at me in disbelief.

"Better get my stuff together." I reached in the drawer and pulled out the assorted do-dads Two-Bit stole from the gift shop, as well as my comb and toothbrush. Soda got the small travel bag and put in the clothes they'd cut off me from that night, when I was brought in by ambulance. Even if it wasn't shredded, I'd never wear them again. I shivered, looking at them.

"Cold?" Soda asked, rarely missing a thing.

"No." I couldn't take my eyes off the bag. Soda noticed my gaze.

"Hey, it's over, you're okay." He said, patting my good leg trying to reassure me.

I looked at him then looked down. I was physically better, yes, but to me it _wasn't _over. I couldn't tell him that I could still hear the sickening crunch of metal on metal in my head, feel myself smacking the windshield, falling back over the dash and having darkness take over my vision as the cab crushed in around me. I wasn't knocked out yet, that came an unmerciful few seconds later. I stayed conscious long enough to smell the burning battery acid on the engine mixing with the stench of hot oil and could feel myself be trapped in the hull of the truck, pain radiating from everywhere as my body refused to move in any direction my brain told it to. My last terrifying thought that night before finally blacking out hit me again...I was going to die in here, burned alive.

The door opened and Darry came in followed by the nurse and a wheelchair. "Your chariot sir!" She said.

I smiled and got in. Darry and Soda walked next to me as I was wheeled outside, a gray overcast afternoon greeting us. Darry got the car while Soda and I waited, then I crawled into the back when it arrived. Soda climbed in next to me.

"What, am I the chauffeur now?" Darry asked from behind the wheel, looking over the seat at the two of us.

"Yes sir....you have the address...now drive on!" Soda said in a snobby voice, smiling that goofy grin at Darry as he looked back at us in the rear view mirror.

"Knuckleheads." He muttered as he pulled away. Soda was the only one daring enough to play with Darry like that. If it had been me saying that, he'd have lectured me about manners or respect or some other bull.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't by coincidence that Darry totally went around the streets in a way that we bypassed the intersection where our accident was, but it didn't stop my heart from racing as we got closer. Sweat started to bead up on me, and I used my free hand to wipe it away.

"Ya okay, Pony?" Soda whispered under his breath.

I nodded, but saw Darry glancing back at me in the mirror again.

"I'm fine, Darry, quit eyeballing me."

He rolled his eyes and looked forward again. I could just feel that lecture getting longer by the minute as he added my attitude to the list.

Finally he pulled up to our house and I was ever so happy to see our tiny cluttered overgrown yard again. Darry opened the door for me since I couldn't get a grip on the handle with my right hand. I got out putting my weight on my left foot first. My right had stiffened up during the cramped ride home in the backseat. I would have to ask Soda to sit in the front until this whole mess was over and behind me, so I could stretch my leg out over the seat.

After a minute I took a step, wincing as the sparks of pain went shooting up my leg. I was getting used to the pain, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. The heavy cast on my arm threw my balance off even more. I'd have it for at least two months, possibly three, and it would take even longer before I had any strength in it at all. With a heavy limp, one painful step at a time, I made my way into the house. Soda had gone ahead of me, Darry followed behind me.

"Park it on the couch, Pony." He said, and I was only too happy to oblige. Soda came over with our bed pillows and started propping my leg up. I tried to wait, giving it a good ten minutes to see if the throbbing pain would subside, but it didn't.

"Darry?" I called. He came out of the kitchen, looking at me. "Can I have one of my pills?"

A minute later he handed me the pill and a cup of water. I swallowed it, welcoming the numbness I knew it would bring me, taking away the pain but also pulling me out of this realm of conscious thought. I began to fall asleep as the effects of the pill started to take hold of me. I hurt, I was bruised, my arm was in a cast and my entire left side wasn't working and playing nicely with my right side....but I was finally home, falling asleep on our couch. The sensation the medicine gave me was like diving beneath troubled waters into a calm.... a peace untouched by any other sensation. For a few hours anyway, my body wouldn't hurt.

XXXXXX

Calla Lilly Rose


	10. Bloody Hand Print

Chapter 10

Bloody Hand Prints

The numbness of medicated sleep can be deceiving...control of thought is lost as your mind ventures unrestrained into avenues previously designated off limits to conscious memory, and you are forced into recalling events your mind and body fight against during the hours of having wakeful command of your senses. I was forced into recall by the medicine, and like an unwilling rider trapped on a roller coaster, I had no choice but to hang on for the ride. During the hours I was awake I couldn't remember the accident...I had subconsciously blocked it out, able to remember only bits and pieces. It was pure terror for me to relive now in my medicated sleep...mostly because I couldn't distinguish between the _memory_ of it versus_ feeling_ it physically happening again.

I remembered the bright glare of the headlights in motion outside my window, realizing they weren't stopping, totally blowing off the stop sign I knew existed at that particular corner. The lights blurred in the rain then disappeared as the grill of the delivery truck collided into my door at speeds high enough to launch me from my seat, smashing me headfirst into the windshield as if I were a bug on the highway. I felt the glass give as it broke upon my impact with it, sending glass shards of all sizes raining down over me, many having already embedded themselves in my face and arms. Before blood could even begin to flow I was hurled backwards and down, below the dashboard to finally come to an agonizing stop of motion on the floor of the truck. En route to this end of motion, my right knee was rammed hard on the dash board then the foot of the same leg became ensnared in the the steering wheel, torquing it around before freeing itself as I collapsed in a heap. I instantaneously knew my right arm was twisted and broken, the lightening bolts of agony shooting from it gave that fact away the instant I tried to use it, which was immediately upon hitting the floor. The cab of the truck proceeded to encase me in twisted collapsed metal and I tried in vain to free myself.

The floorboard wasn't flat anymore, it was jagged and had an accordionized feel about it which only made my pain worse. The undercarriage of the seat was broken and jagged pieces of sharp metal poked out of everywhere. The door and side panel were crushed inward, further panicking me as I felt them pressing inward on my head. My vision blurred as something hot began to seep into my eyes. Using my left hand I felt my face, trying to wipe away the wetness. It was warm and sticky, and I knew instantly what it was. Blood. I could taste it in my mouth too, that taste being unmistakable. As bad as that was, it still wasn't over.

I didn't want to inhale, afraid of the sharp acidic smell that came from the battery mixed with the odor of burning rubber that now filled the cab of the wrecked truck. It wreaked havoc on my airway, choking my lungs and refused me any further air movement either in or out. I couldn't even scream again...not that anyone could hear me anyway. It was at that moment, that last second before all conscious thought faded into black that I knew... I knew I was going to die.

My eyes shot open then as that thought...that terrifying feeling gripped my chest like a vise again. My eyes deceived me...I didn't know what to trust anymore. I could feel the couch under me, a light blanket draped over me and in front of me were the coffee table with Darry's newspaper on it and the TV left on, the volume down low on some random channel that no one was watching. I blinked my eyes. It was to me only a whisper of time ago that the accident had happened, but it had been well over three weeks. The memory of the accident was never a guaranteed dream, and this wasn't the first time I had relived it. The pain medicine did this to me and I was trying to avoid taking them, but at times the ache in my arm and leg was too much. It had been too much again today, and as usual I was mixed up, afraid to even breathe, fearful of the harsh chemical smell that had choked me that night. I looked over and saw the front door was open, the screen allowing fresh air into the house. I finally took a breath...allowing the spring air into my lungs. I tried to relax. It was only a memory.... I could breathe again.

I sat up, gingerly rubbing my knee. Once I felt steady I stood and stumbled my way outside. I heard familiar voices and went to see what was going on, where the guys were. I found them as I peaked around the porch, they were working on the truck that had somehow been brought to the house. I hadn't seen it since the accident...and no had one volunteered to tell me where it went either. But there it was, and what a _wreck_ it was, too. The entire passenger side where I had been sitting was crushed like a discarded Coke can. I could overhear the guys....even they were shocked.

"It's amazing he made it out of this alive." Steve said, and I smiled inwardly. I knew that Steve cared, but he'd probably never show me directly or say it to my face.

"Coulda been worse. A whole lot worse. Hell, Soda... the front axle's broken too, better put that on the list also." Two-Bit said from under the engine.

"Great...that's just another thing we'll have to find. Man, he took a direct hit, right where he was sitting. I don't know how, but it somehow even snapped his history book in half... in_ half!_ He took one hell of a hit, that's for _damn_ sure." Soda said, intent with the wrench he had, doing something with the engine under the crumpled hood.

"How the hell'd they even get him out of this?" Two-Bit asked.

"Cut the door off and pulled the seat out, then they slid him out. They put the seat back only cause they wanted to keep the wreck together for us." Steve answered.

"How nice." Soda said, still working that wrench.

"He's a strong kid, Soda. He'll be back to normal in a few weeks. Once that leg heals up. How long before the cast comes off again?" Two-Bit was optimistic. I was glad I had him for a friend. I could always count on him.

"You mean _if _that leg heals." Steve said. Thanks Steve... I knew I could count on you too, I thought, shaking my head.

"His leg will heal up fine. Doc said so." Soda was quick to retort. "And the cast comes off hopefully in two months."

"Yeah, I mean the leg _will_ heal up...but will he be able to _run _with it again." Clarified Steve. Hmm...hadn't heard this from him before. He wasn't one to come to my meets unless Soda dragged him, and when he was there he always looked so bored... like I was once again wasting his precious time.

"Is Darry even gonna let him run with him missing his spleen...or the school for that matter?" Two-Bit suddenly asked.

"Lets just get him walking again and we'll worry about the rest later." Soda said.

This didn't give me confidence. No one had said anything to me about my possibly not being able to return to track. I looked at my knee and foot. My foot still had minor swelling but only after I was on it all day. My knee had only minor discoloration and was always sore...but the swelling on it had for the most part stopped. I will admit thought, I used my left leg to lean on now, more than just standing up with my weight even on both my legs. As far as my surgery...I didn't feel any different on the inside. Sore perhaps where they actually had to cut me open, but nothing else. Was there something else they weren't telling me?

"Two-Bit, you got that bolted up yet?" Soda asked.

"Yeah, it's ready here. Steve, you ready?"

"Yeah. Been ready. Soda?"

"Yep...okay, one, two, three..."

I watched as they pulled the engine out of the truck with a makeshift pulley system and lowered it down on a pair of sawhorses. Now that the engine was out, it wouldn't take Soda and Steve long to have it perfect again. I was leaning over the banister watching with a smile on my face as Two-Bit turned around, looking right at me.

"Well, look who's up! Thought you'd sleep all day kid!" Two-Bit smiled at me. I got up and made my way down the porch and over to the wreck of the truck, wanting to get a better look at it. After all, I had survived the accident...it couldn't be _that_ bad.

"Ponyboy, you don't have to see.... I mean, why don't you go back in... get off your foot. Are ya hungry? Two-Bit can drive you over for something, right Two-Bit?"

"Yeah, sure Pony. Come on.... lets go."

There was something going on and I was gonna find out what. They all had a look in their eyes that said there was something that they were trying to hide from me. Soda's expression being both pained and intent that I _not _go over there was decidedly more evident than the others. This made me even more determined to get to the bottom of it. I hated secrets...especially when they were right in front of me. I hobbled around Soda, and even though he was now both temporarily faster and more agile than me, he also knew he ran the risk of tripping me if he turned too fast to stop me. I came up on the passenger side of the cab where I had been sitting and peered in through the shattered glass left behind in the window track, being careful to avoid cutting myself further in this wreck of a truck as I peered in.

Aside from the large volume of shattered glass scattered on both the seat and the crumpled floorboard, there was a brownish red smear that seemed to cover the area where I had laid at while being encased in the darkness of the mangled wreck. A clear hand print, _my_ hand print, made in the ink of my own blood was visible on the pale leather seat above where I had laid. At some point in the immediate aftermath of the wreck, I had to have reached up and made it, but I didn't remember. I guess there were some things I still blocked out. Suddenly I didn't feel so hot anymore and stumbled backwards.

"Catch him!" I heard Steve yell out.

Soda and Two-Bit caught me as I went down, feeling their arms around me as I let gravity pull me into the course overgrown green grass we never seemed to keep mowed. My mind was all a fog, but some time later I began to hear Soda calling my name, his voice breaking through the haze I suddenly found myself in.

I felt a wet coolness on my face and finally was able to open my eyes. He brown eyes were hovering over my face, his own face all scrunched up in lines of worry. He had a wet washcloth and was gently wiping my face with it, trying to both provide me comfort and wake me up. He held me in his lap while I still lay in our yard next to the truck. Both the guys were still there and glancing at them I could see worry in their faces too. When Steve saw me look at him, he tried to change his glance to one of curious indifference...but it was too late. I saw it. I was still too lightheaded to process it though.

I tried to sit up, but Soda held me firmly. "No you don't. Not yet. Take another minute." He looked up at Two-Bit next. "Two-Bit, go get him a cup of water. Thanks buddy."

Two-Bit turned and went back in the house...I heard the screen door slam as he entered the doorway. "I'm fine, Soda, just … just a little woozy." I pulled myself up to sit next to him, feeling my head spinning. "It's probably just the medicine I took earlier." I knew it wasn't, but didn't want to say anything. They all had enough to worry about without my becoming another issue on the list...again.

"Or it could be that you're not ready for this... and I'm thinking that's it."

Two-Bit returned and I took the cup, downing the contents in quick order.

"Damn, Ponyboy, not so fast. You're gonna make yourself sick." Steve said with a grumble.

"I'm fine, Steve...guys...really." I reached out and leaned on Soda's shoulder with my left hand while Two-Bit hooked his arm around my cast to help me up. Stars of dizziness still sparkled in my vision. I made my way back to the porch and went inside again...this time stopping only when I made it to my bed to lay down. The image of my own bloody hand print drifted into my mind and my stomach turned. I barely made it into the bathroom before Steve's prediction came true. What came up wasn't a lot but the physical act used just as much energy and hurt just as much, so it didn't matter how much I puked. The result was the same. It hurt. I was glad the gang was still outside, I didn't want or need anyone hovering over me right now. I cleaned up best I could and went back to lay down.

XXX

The stars in my vision changed to stars outside my window when I next opened my eyes. I heard soft voiced filtering down the hallway as I looked at the clock by my bed. 7:43.

"He passed out?" Darry's voice was edgy. "He actually passed out?"

"Fell like a brick." Steve said with just enough emphasis for me to hear him.

"Did he get hurt?" He asked while I heard his heavy footsteps getting louder as they came down the hall.

"No...Darry come back here and let him sleep. We already checked on him." Soda's voice was more firm than ever. I heard Darry's boots stop in the hallway, then go back up to the kitchen away from my door.

"Did he eat dinner at least?" He asked finally.

"Kid ain't gonna starve, Darry. When he wakes up...then feed him." Two-Bit said. I heard a chair scrape the floor then his voice continued. "Well, guys...I got to go. Tell him 'hey' for me when he wakes up. See y'all in the morning." A moment later the door opened then closed again.

_Bye Two-Bit,_ I thought.

"I best be going too. We still moving the truck to Tim's place tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Darry said barely to where I could hear him. "I don't need him seeing that wreck the way it is again. Soda, I still can't believe you let him look in it with all the dried blood and other mess still in it."

"Darry I already told you, I tried to stop him but didn't want to tackle him in the process. He was determined to look...and you know how stubborn that kid brother of ours is when he gets an idea in his head." Soda was getting a defensive tone that was easier to hear.

"Keep it down, little buddy. Geez, I wonder if I should just sell it for what it's worth in scrap. Guy at the scrapyard already said he'd give me $300 for it."

"That's cause the steel in it alone is worth over twice that. Don't sell it, Darry. Not yet. Let Soda and me have a longer crack at fixing it before you give up. Tim's got no time line on getting his car back, so there really ain't a rush."

"Besides, what are you gonna drive if you sell the truck for scrap? Steve's right. Let us work on it some more before you give up on us."

"I haven't given up on you, Soda, but fixing that truck ain't necessarily gonna fix the situation."

"What situation?"

"Think about it, Soda. I had a feeling this was gonna happen. Just like he wont go down to the park anymore, and hasn't been to the Nightly Double since that night. Hell, this is just one more thing that's gonna stew in my consciousness."

I turned over and pulled my pillow over my head, not wanting to hear anymore. I'm sure between Steve and Soda, that engine will be the best running engine in town but I doubted it would ever work in Darry's truck again. The crushed condition of the frame alone would prohibit it from being considered "reliable transportation" by Social Services, who looked for any reason to remove me from my home to foster care. The very fact they haven't shown up yet to yank me out surprised me. Uhhgg...I didn't want to think about this either. I stared at the stars twinkling in the night sky outside my window until I felt their sleepy pull on my lids, and I happily obliged their request. I rested, peacefully this time, leaving the world of reality behind.

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose

Reviews would be appreciated!


	11. Steve and Soda

Chapter 11

Steve and Soda

I sat in bed, thoughts running around in my head leaving me too wound up to sleep. My hand was still making small soft circles on Pony's back as I had been working for some time to get him to finally nod off to dream land. It worked, but it took a lot of effort. He was back to not sleeping well again, and it worried me.

Darry had banished Ponyboy's beloved aspirin from the house, afraid he'd bleed to death internally if he used it anymore. I didn't understand all the in's and out's of it, being way too medical for my brain power to grasp, but the doc at the hospital told Darry that aspirin messes with the body's ability to stop bleeding, and without a spleen anymore, Darry ain't taking no chances. Pony used to get bruised up just running into the door jams and coffee table when his body was in better shape, and this spleenless Ponyboy worried Darry into new levels of gray headedness. I tried to not worry about it, Darry did enough for the both of us on that issue. Pony had been using the Tylenol the doc recommended, but I could tell he didn't like it. He told me it didn't work on his headaches, and left it at that. He could use the pain pills the doctor prescribed as they also seemed to put him out, but he quickly backed out of that too...said those gave him nightmares worse than just being in pain, and if he had to choose between the two, he'd take the pain. So for the last hour I have been trailing my fingers up and down and side to side then in circles over his back. Finally, he was asleep.

I looked down on his sleeping face, softly brushing the hair from his forehead. He didn't stir, and on close examination of his forehead I noticed most of the cuts from the glass in the accident left scars so tiny you'd have never noticed them. Of course to _him _they stood out, but to anyone else they weren't noticeable. I carefully got up, leaving him in peace to sleep.

Darry had also gone ahead to bed, leaving me and Steve alone. He was stretched out on the couch, but when I came into the room, his eyes opened and he sat up.

"Hey man," I softly said. "Didn't mean to wake ya. Go back to sleep."

"It's okay. Ain't really tired yet. The kid's finally out, I take it."

"Yeah, finally." I grabbed two Cokes and a pack of smokes and headed outside on the steps. Steve followed me. I handed him a Coke and lit up, letting the smoke burn my windpipe as the warmth hit my blood. "Tim get a'hold of his guys?" I asked. Steve was handling the 'Tim' side of this...I preferred to stay clear but was curious to know what was happening.

"Yep." He said, swigging his drink and lighting a cigarette of his own. "You ain't got to worry about it. Tim's handling his end of it." He was quiet a moment as he took another drag from his weed. "You sure Darry doesn't know what's going on?"

"Steve, even I ain't too sure what's going on." I said quietly.

All I know is two weeks ago, the day after Pony passed out in the yard and while he was at school and Darry was at work, Steve and I brought the tow truck back to the house and hauled Darry's truck to a warehouse Tim used. Tim and some of his guys were there, we shook hands then Tim looked inside the crushed cab, whistling low and long.

"_He lived through__** this**__?" _Tim asked incredulously, disbelief on his face.

"_Yup." _I said, not wanting to go into it.

"_Kid doing okay now?" _He asked after a minute.

"_He's banged up, bruised up and still slightly busted up, but we're handling it." _Steve answered for me, knowing how much I hated going into details over Pony's injuries with people outside our gang. Tim already knew anyway...I guess just seeing the truck with Ponyboy's blood all over it brought the message home again. He nodded his head, took the keys from Steve and we left. I haven't been back since.

He laughed low and mischievously. "Well, buddy, best I can explain it is this. You know how tight Dally and Tim were, right? Well, some of our more industrious East Side cohorts in crime owed Dally some big IOU's before he died, and Tim is now holding the notes on them. That's all I know, and where Tim is concerned, it's all I _want_ to know. Everyone has their talents...yours and mine are engines, Darry's roofing, Two-Bit's steal....ah...acquiring goods. Anyway, Tim said he'd take care of the truck, and that's good enough for me."

"I was wondering why Tim was being all nice-nice, letting Darry borrow the car no questions asked."

Steve looked at me as if I had forgotten the golden rule for our side of town.

"Greasers stick together, Soda. You know that."

"Yeah, but usually you have to tell Tim you need help before it just shows up." I said flatly, taking another swig of my drink.

"There ain't nothing going on in the East Side that Tim don't know about. Even if he doesn't stick his nose over on our particular turf doesn't mean he's out of the loop. Tim's got ears that hears everything. Tim knows. Tim always knows."

"Yup, that's for sure." I said, finishing my weed and grounding the butt. "Tell me, Steve, how's he doing around school? He don't say much to me about it."

Pony's been back in school now for over two weeks but hasn't said much to me about anything going on there. All I know is he goes and comes home...but nothing in between. He was getting too quiet again, reminiscent of right after Dally and Johnny died. That about did him in. Darry and I thought he was falling into a major depression and he probably was. It took all we had to pull him out of that...almost resorting to getting professional help. Almost, but not quite. He turned the tide just in time. But I was getting worried again, seeing him clam up even around me. Once again we enlisted the help of Steve and Two-Bit as our eyes and ears in the school, but we'd never let Ponyboy in on that. It would probably send him over the edge to know we had spy's keeping tabs on him. However, with him being in a cast and a weak leg, he was a perfect target for any Soc with a leftover grudge for what happened to Bob last fall. That one event has screwed every greaser in town, but no one more than my little brother.

"Seems okay. You already know they got him doing library duty during his PE time. I can't exactly show up in there without him being on to me. Two-Bit's gone in to flirt with the other library aide...some little blond number he ain't _never_ gonna get anywhere with, but he tells me Pony's usually hanging in the back office filing papers or messing with the books. You know how he loves books."

I saw him roll his eyes in the moonlight and smiled. Yep, my brother loves books alright. We had a whole house full of books and he was always looking for more. I almost laughed till I remembered he was coming home from the library the night all this shit happened. Then it wasn't so funny anymore.

"Other than that, you know we ain't exactly in the same classes so I can't say too much. I heard the teachers were treating him with kid-gloves, afraid their star student will break if they do anything to him. He looks the part, with that cast and his limp."

His voice had a touch of sarcastic humor to it. I looked at him, seeing a wane smile on his lips. My brother and my best friend may not see eye to eye, but Steve _does_ look out for him. Pony would never believe just _how much_ looking out for him Steve's done over the last year, all the while thinking Steve has nothing to do with him. Maybe one day I'll tell him, but not any time soon.

"Darry and I appreciate your help, Steve. Your's and Two-Bit's. It's the only thing I regret about dropping out, not being there to help Ponyboy when he needs it...like he does now."

"Don't be like that, Soda. You help out a lot. You had to do what you had to do. One day that little shit will understand. We got his back, you ain't got to worry about it. Tim's taking care of his end, you and I will fix the engine and everything's gonna work out just fine." He slid his cigarette butt in his empty coke bottle and stood up, stretching.

"I'm beat, and I have some stupid algebra test to take tomorrow. I gotta at least pass it so I better get on to sleep." He said, walking back inside.

"Pony had that last year. Why don't you let him take it for you?" I said smirking at him. I _did_ enjoy having a couple of smart brothers.

"Don't rub it in how smart your kid brother is. We all know he's a friggin genius. I'll pass my own damn test without his help, thank you very much!" He took off his shoes and lay back down. I simply smiled at him.

"Night, Steve." I said softly.

"Night, Soda." He echoed back.

XXX

Reviews would be appreciated.

Calla Lilly Rose


	12. Night Time Tells

Chapter 12

Night Time Tells

XXX

I was tired. Bone tired. It's been well over a month since the wreck and I couldn't get it out of my head. When I woke up I saw the headlights in the sun's rays burning my eyes. When I lay down I saw them again in the glowing numbers on my clock. I heard the screeching impact with every metal on metal encounter there was in a day. You'd be surprised how much metal on metal interaction there really is in a days time, and I heard every sound reverberate in my head. Forks clinking in the sink, lockers slamming shut, bells signaling the changing of classes. It all either grated on my nerves like sandpaper or burned like salt in a wound. It was impossible for me to concentrate on anything.

My grades had begun to show the effects of my lack of concentration. I couldn't get two thoughts to match up in my English and writing class, and adding four plus four was rarely coming up to eight anymore in math. Forget history... I got the French Revolution mixed up with the American version and really threw my teachers for a loop. Sad thing was I really didn't care. I mean, I _wanted _to do better, but couldn't get my head to stop hearing the crunch of metal and constantly felt like the room was closing in on me. I had even switched seats in every class, so that I was either near the windows or by the door, even if that meant I sat in the front seat of the row, where _no_ greaser had sat before. I used to sit in the back center isle, with whatever other grease was in the room, but now all I wanted was to feel open air on my face, afraid for some reason of being encapsulated in the concrete walls around me. Irrational, I know, but that's how I felt.

My worries of my track days being over were alleviated though, as I got that cleared up my first day back to school. As long as my doctor signed off that I was okay to run and Darry signed the waiver allowing me to continue, I could return to the field as soon as my cast came off. Of course, I was still out for the season seeing as how my arm was still in a cast for at least another month or so, and my knee was still not locking like it should when I stood on it. I sighed, nothing ever seemed to work out for me.

Things hurt, too. Not as much anymore, but it came and went when I least expected it to. I didn't let on to my brothers, they always worried too much about me. This certainly didn't help matters. I vaguely remembered being in intensive care. I wont forget the suffocating feeling of that breathing machine though. Everything else was just a haze of days becoming nights becoming days again, with someone injecting me with pain control medication every few hours. That was the only thing that knocked me down and allowed me to actually forget how much pain I was in. Then they took that away, leaving me those other pills that _did_ put me to sleep but gave me nightmares. I didn't want that either. So without either Darry or Soda knowing, I took matters into my own hands and went to a pharmacy across town and bought some aspirin and sleeping pills that I didn't need to have a prescription for. I had been careful, using only the aspirin during the day and the sleeping pills at night. I hid the aspirin in my school bag and the sleeping pills in a drawer in my nightstand by my side of the bed. Soda never goes in it anyway, so I knew my secret would be safe. For now.

And again, I had lost my appetite for everything. I ate just enough to keep everyone off my back about it, but I knew I was losing weight again. I never was one to keep the pounds on me anyway, and if I skipped one meal it was tantamount to losing an inch off my waistline. I could be a walking poster child for weight loss if there was ever a market for it. Soda was more quick to notice so I usually threw on an extra pair of sweats at night to at least give the impression that I wasn't as thin as I knew I was getting. I couldn't exactly help it though. I was a nervous wreck: wasn't getting sleep unless I took a pill, couldn't concentrate in class and had pain issues that just popped out of nowhere.

"Pony, go get ready for bed. You have school tomorrow." I turned to see Darry staring at me out the screen door. I stood up, not wanting to argue. I hadn't had an argument with him in a long time, just doing whatever he said . I didn't feel the need to have any arguments anymore. He'd get his way whether I liked it or not, so why bother.

"Okay." I got up, stretched and went in. He just looked at me as I went by. I knew that expression...he wanted to stop me and say something, but until he actually did try to call me back for whatever talk he wanted to have, I just kept on going. I went into the bathroom and shut the door, running the water for a bath. Since my arm was still in a cast, I found it easier to just sit in a tub of water than to try wrapping my arm with towels every night. I brushed my teeth then went to get a change of clothes to get into when I was done in the tub. Once in the bathroom, I locked the door and stripped, sinking my sore joints into the almost too hot water. I had figured out how to wash my hair by dunking my head to get it wet and repeating the same maneuver to get the shampoo out. Once I was technically done getting clean, I just sat there, staring at my distorted reflection in the silver colored metal handles by the faucet. I hated that reflection, wondering if I looked that way in real life... if that was the way people really saw me.

I hadn't seen the truck in weeks. The crushed in side panel and shattered glass everywhere was disturbing enough, but the blood covering the floorboard and my bloody handprint on the seat still sent shivers down my spine when I thought of it. I tried to not think about it, but I couldn't help it. It was a thought that would just flash in my head like a bolt of lightning unexpected in the night sky. It would be there and gone in the same instant, leaving you with only the image burned on your retinas that you would see every time you closed your eyes. I suppose someone in the gang took the truck away so I wouldn't see it again, but they need not have bothered. I was done with that. My curiosity was quenched, I never wanted to see that half demolished piece of steel again. Even now, I began to feel that closed -in sensation and quickly got out of the tub, draining the water even before all the heat was used up. I dressed and returned to my room a moment, throwing on my old tattered robe for a few minutes as I went to the living room to see who was here.

"Hey, Ponyboy. Care to join us?" Two-Bit was here, along with Steve and … oddly enough, Tim. They were all sitting with Darry and Soda at the table playing cards. I hesitated, not used to being around Tim all that much. He was more a hood than any of us were, and ever since Dally's death, I tended to shy away from him. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, at least not with my brothers in the room, but I didn't trust him either. I don't know why...I just didn't.

"Nah." I said quietly, shaking my head. I went into the kitchen and got a cup of water to take back to my room.

"What's wrong, kid?" Tim suddenly asked, not looking up from his cards. I froze in my spot.

"Nothing, I just don't feel like playing cards." I said back without looking at him.

"You _do_ realize your still in the land of the living, doncha?" he asked, shuffling the cards in his hand.

"Tim..." Darry said in a low voice. "Let it go."

I took my water and crept back down the hall into my room. My head hurt so I downed my secret aspirin then chased those pills with a sleeping tablet. I hadn't taken both at the same time before, but hoped they'd work together to fix my headache and let me sleep. The effects were faster than I anticipated and before long my lids were too heavy to keep open. I didn't even have a chance to get under the covers. But like I said, I just didn't care.

XXX

"Something ain't right with that kid." Tim said, discarding a card from his hand.

"What the hell does that mean?" Soda said, instantly riled by Tim's statement. _Protect mode_ went into full alert.

"Down, Soda." Steve said, picking up a card from the deck.

"He'll be fine. He's trying, at least." Darry cut back in a low voice, not wanting Pony to hear them.

"Trying to do what, exactly?" Tim shot back, keeping his voice a little lower than normal but not really caring who heard either.

"He's going to school, Tim. The Soc's have left him alone so far and we're keeping an eye out for him when he ain't looking." Two-Bit explained.

"Do you really think he's _looking?_ He ain't my brother, but he sure ain't like the kid I remember hanging around Dally in days gone by. I doubt Dally would even recognize him now. Hell, even Curly said he's different."

"Yeah, we all know Curly's a great judge of character." Darry said. He was the only one in the room with enough balls to mouth off like that to Tim, but this was his house and that was his youngest brother Tim was cutting down. Darry was only gonna take so much. Tim picked up on the vibes.

"Hey, your brother, your issue. My brother has his own issues, which I unfortunately have to deal with. I was just making my observation. And for now, I got to go." Tim laid down a royal flush and pocketed the money on the table as he stood up to leave. "Steve, Soda, can I see you outside?"

"Yeah, Tim" They got up and followed Tim outside while Darry put the cards away. Two-Bit finished his beer and tossed the bottle in the trash.

"The truck's ready on my end. You guys can come and take over whenever you want to. Darry still out of the loop on this?"

"Yep." Steve said, lighting up a smoke.

"Good deal. Later, grease." Tim said as he took the steps two at a time off the porch and disappeared into the darkness of the night.

XXX

Soda lit up a smoke too, telling me as loud as any spoken words that he was worried about something. Knowing him, I knew exactly what he was worried about. It was the _only _thing they ever worried about anymore. I swear that kid was gonna give both his brothers ulcers before either of them got to be thirty years old. How they weren't eating antacids like the kid used to eat aspirin was beyond me.

"Soda...stupid of me to ask, but what's bugging you now?"

The _shut the hell up_ look I was getting from him told me enough, but I was glad he opened up about it too.

"Tim's right. Pony ain't the same. He hasn't said one word to me about the accident and I really expected him to spill it before now. I haven't figured it out, but even though he's eating some every day, he's dropping weight again. I can see it in his face."

"Darry hasn't noticed?" I asked as quietly as I could. I didn't need the big guy out here giving me the what- for. I peaked inside, Darry was in the kitchen, but Two-Bit was headed in our direction.

"What you two lovebirds doing out here in the dark?" He said as he joined us, sitting on the porch railing lighting one up too.

"Well hell, Two-Bit, now that you're here we can call it an orgy." I said with contempt.

"Christ, guys...keep it down. I don't need Pony hearing this." Soda said, sticking his chin out in the direction of his and Pony's partially opened window not five feet from where we were lounging.

"Or Darry, I'd wager!" Two-Bit said, grinning in the dark.

"No, Darry ain't noticed." Soda said getting back to my question. "He's been too busy working now that things have started to settle back down. When's report card time again? We usually get a call from the guidance counselor when that time rolls near." Soda finished his cigarette and tossed his butt into the grass, watching the dying wisp of smoke rise from the stub.

"Soon. Why? He ain't bringing home the 'A's anymore?" Two-Bit asked, looking perplexed. "Don't tell me the kid had the audacity to be _normal_, with a 'B' or- God help him- a 'C' even. Darry will kill him!"

"I haven't seen any of his work lately. Darry's usually the one that goes scholastic on him."

"Just before he goes ballistic!" Two-Bit added.

"Well, for his sake, he better have his stuff up to par. Now that you mention it the little shit does look like he's losing weight. If he's screwing his grades up too, well... Two-Bit's right. Darry's liable to not be pleased, which means we all get to be miserable."

Heavy footsteps came in our direction and we all shut up.

"You guys move the party out here?" Darry asked from the doorway.

"Just enjoying the moonlight!" Two-Bit said looking up.

"Moron. There ain't no moon tonight." I said, whacking him in his gut.

"I was wondering where it went!" He said back, looking all over the sky now.

"Soda, I'll see you in the morning, I've had all the wit I can take from Two-Bit for one night. See ya." I stepped off the porch and fumbled with the gate. I shook my head, realizing finally that Tim was right. Once again, something was off about that kid.

XXX

I went on to bed then, leaving Two-Bit and Darry on the porch. I noticed after brushing my teeth and getting in my night clothes that Pony was out..._totally _out. He still had his robe on and was practically half on and half off the bed. His right leg dangled over so that his foot was still on the floor and his casted right arm hung precariously close to the side of the mattress. Gravity would any minute pull it over. The sheer fact that it hadn't yet surprised me. I knew he was tired, but this was way over the top.

"Ponyboy." I said, nudging him. Nothing.

"Hey, Ponyboy. Wake up." I called louder. Not even an eyelash flickered. I shook him slightly at first then harder, calling louder as I did.

"Ponyboy! Wake UP!" I shouted. He still didn't move. I heard Darry coming up the hall then the door creak as he peaked in.

"What's going on?" He asked me.

"I can't get him to wake up. Somethings not right. He's never _this _asleep!"

"Ponyboy." Darry called to him, shaking his good shoulder, gentle at first then harder. "Ponyboy! Wake up!"

Finally Pony stirred, but it was faint.

"Wha....?" He mumbled. "Lemme sleep."

"Pony!" Darry called loudly, pulling Pony's eyes open to see his pupils. "Ah shit!" He mumbled out loud, then slapped Pony hard on the face. "Pony...what did you take?" He said suddenly, scaring me.

I watched as my youngest brother mumbled some words that I couldn't understand. Darry was getting a better picture though.

"Where are they, Pone! Where are the pills! Tell me!" He hit him again to wake him up.

"Drawer." He said in a thick slur.

Darry and I dove into his nightstand, tearing it apart. Finally I found them.

"Darry, here... _What the fuck_? Sleeping pills? You _got _to be kidding me?" I said in disbelief.

Darry had already scooped Ponyboy up and was headed out the door. "Come on, Soda..."

I didn't need to ask where we were going. Back to the hospital. Pony had done it again.

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose


	13. Late Night ER VIsit

Again...I don't own anything The Outsiders related, all belong to Susan Hinton

Chapter 13

Late Night ER Visit

I sat in the back seat with Ponyboy draped across my lap, Darry driving like he was in the fast lane on the freeway as we went down the road, city block by city block. He lay so still strewn across me and the seat, his head cradled in the crook of my arm. He didn't stir, never even opened his eyes. The possibility that he had taken something without our knowing and that it had this much effect on him scared me speechless. I just held him closer to me with my hand on his chest, at least able to feel him breathing as the tall white building with the medical symbols painted on it's outer walls loomed ahead of us.

Darry pulled into the Emergency Room drop off circle and screeched to a stop, getting out from behind the wheel quickly then yanking open the backseat door. I handed Ponyboy off to him and he went inside leaving me to park the car which I did in haste, running at top speed inside to find my brothers. Darry was being led to a room still carrying Pony in his arms and I followed after them, earning a lot of looks and a few utterances from the other patients and staff around me. Only then did I realize I was still in my pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. Good thing these were the darker ones....my other pair was so light they were practically transparent after being put through the wash a few million times. _ Deal with it, people_, was all I could think. I'd be damned if they were gonna make me go home and change.

Darry lay Ponyboy gently on a gurney as three people descended on him, forcing Darry back out of the way. One stripped him of his pants.... _why's he wearing two pairs of sweats_?? Another removed his shirt. The third started hooking him up to the monitors like he had been on when he was in intensive care. I really got scared then, remembering how close we came to losing him those nights. I reached for Darry's arm to hold onto and felt the muscles already tensed up under his skin. That was all I needed for me to know he was remembering it too.

"What happened?" Asked the nurse who was putting the wires on his chest.

"We don't know exactly. We found him asleep in bed and he wouldn't wake up. He was in a car accident a month ago and has a hard time sleeping. He...he may have taken some sleeping pills, but I don't know...." Darry's voice trailed off. He pulled the bottle from his pocket and handed it to one of the nurses.

"When did you last see him awake?" She asked.

"About an hour ago....maybe longer." I said. Time is never constant when there is an emergency. It either speeds up or slows down. How long had it been since Tim left the house? We went outside and talked for a while....I got ready for bed. How much time does that really take?

Someone brought Darry the clipboard filled with forms for him to fill out but he just held it, watching along with me what was going on in front of us. One person dumped the pills out on a table and began to count them, while another person got a long clear tube and began to stick it up my younger brothers nose. That action alone would have sent me kicking and punching any person near me if I were in Pony's position, yet he never even flinched. He just lay there like a rag doll. The third person tilted his head forward while the other nurse kept shoving that damn tube in him.

"Ninety -two out of a hundred. Eight missing." Said the pill counter.

Did that mean he took eight pills? _Why? For what reason?_ I looked at Darry but his face was stoic. Only his eyes gave away the fear I knew he felt, and I also knew I was the only one in the room able to read his expression._ No_, I thought. _ Pony wouldn't do this. Not this!_ But looking at my unresponsive brother having all sorts of things done to him without any argument from him at all, I had no other explanation.

They finally got tired of shoving that tube in his nose and taped it down to his face. Finally some doctor showed up. He looked at me, glanced down at my pajama bottoms then turned his attention to Darry. His clothes were still work clothes, tar stained and dirty, the cuffs of the legs ragged and torn. He already seemed disgusted by what he saw and hadn't even looked at Ponyboy yet. I reached down to where they had tossed the two pair of sweat pants he had been wearing and picked them up. One pair was mine, the other his. I sat down and pulled my sweats on over my pj's, hoping my sloppy attire wouldn't hurt Pony's chances of getting good care. No one even seemed to notice me anyway which was good. Pony was the one needing attention.

"Any idea what he took and when?" The doctor asked curtly.

"No idea. He's not into drugs, nothing like that."

The doctor gave Darry a wary eye.

"My brother is not a druggie!" I said, suddenly realizing the doctor didn't believe anything we said.

"Soda...calm down." Darry said, putting his arms across my shoulder. He put his face next to mine and whispered in my ear. "They'll make us leave if we don't cooperate. You and I both know Pony doesn't do that shit. Keep it together or go outside."

"We're going to give him charcoal in that tube. It goes into his stomach, and hopefully it will absorb whatever he took. Then we're going to suck it out and see what we get back." The doc said flatly.

The doctor then nodded at the nurse who started squirting the black liquid into the clear tube, and I watched it go down for a minute until I thought my own stomach was going to turn. Instead, I looked at the doctor, who was now looking at Pony's thin left arm, paying special attention to the crook of his elbow. I realized what he was looking for and I was furious. He didn't believe my brother didn't take drugs and was looking for track marks. _Go ahead, you bastard. We may be poor, but we don't do that shit. None of us. _

"What happened to his arm and did he have surgery recently?" The doctor asked, noting the thin pinkish white scar still healing on Pony's side.

"We were in a car accident a little over a month ago, he was here for a week upstairs. He lost his spleen and messed up his right leg, not to mention breaking his arm. I swear, he's been doing good. I just don't know where he got the pills from."

The doc just looked at him then back at Ponyboy, finishing up his examination and finally leaving the room. A nurse came in next and drew blood from his good arm then began to infuse fluids into him. The other nurse was finally done with the black charcoal and capped off the tubing, tucking the end of it behind his pillow. They raised the bed so it looked like he was sort of sitting up, put the side rails up and covered him with a sheet up to his chest. Once that was all done, they all left the room and Darry and I were finally alone with Ponyboy again.

I went to his side and brushed his soft hair from his face. He had just washed it before going to bed and hadn't put any grease in it. It was so like how I remembered mom's hair that it tipped me over the edge. I brushed away my tears hoping Darry didn't see.

"You holding up okay, little buddy?"

"I'm great, Dar." I said gruffly, pulling myself together. "You realize that doctor thinks Pony's a drug user, don't you?" I asked, trying to keep the fury out of my voice.

"Yes, I saw what he was doing. I _do_ pay attention. Frankly, I don't care what he thinks. They'll do the drug test and see he's negative....".

We were interrupted by another nurse who came in and took the tubing from behind the pillow and hooked it up to a slow vacuum on the wall.

"Can you tell me what you're doing to my brother?" Darry asked her politely.

She smiled at us. I noticed how she had gently caressed my brothers face as she took the tubing from behind his pillow instead of just grabbing it like the others would.

"Now that the charcoal has been down a while, I'm going to suction the contents of his stomach so we can hopefully get the pills out of him before they do any further damage. The charcoal binds to what we cant get out of him, making it inactive in his system. But unfortunately whatever is already in his bloodstream is out of our immediate control. He'll have to wait for it to wash out of his system the usual way."

"He doesn't have a spleen anymore." I said numbly.

"That's okay." She said with kindness. "It's the liver's job to do that. He should be okay if all he had was a few sleeping pills and that aspirin."

Darry's head jerked at her. "What aspirin?"

She looked stunned, then tried to cover up. "I mean..."

"Look, don't try to pull one over on us, we might be poor but we're not stupid. We ain't gonna turn you in for telling us something that the doc hasn't approved of releasing yet. And I don't care what that doc thinks or said, my brother is NOT a drug user and neither are we." I took a breath, realizing I didn't want to make her mad at me. Darry put his hand on my shoulder squeezing it and I didn't know if it meant _shut up _or was for support of what I said. A thought occurred to me that she may end up being the only one on our side. "So far you are the only one being nice to us and we just want Ponyboy taken care of. So please tell us, what aspirin?" I said in a low voice.

She looked at me then at Darry, finally turning her gaze back to Ponyboy laying motionless on the gurney. "The toxicology report came back. He has an elevated salicylic acid level in his blood. Aspirin. That's all that means. But it's just a _marginal_ amount. Not enough to do this to him." She said, her eyebrows scrunched up.

"So even if he took aspirin, it wouldn't do this?" Darry asked quietly.

"Not unless he's allergic to it or took like a whole lot." She shook her head. "But like I said, his level is only marginal, I doubt he took more than two, maybe three at the most."

"He's taken plenty more than that in the past with no problems." I said, instantly regretting saying that out loud. Darry gave me a sharp look but I already knew I screwed up.

"Well," she said, checking all the tubing and placing a blanket over Pony, tucking him in. "It may be the sleeping pills he took. It's possible he's allergic to those. They have pretty nasty side effects and can wreak havoc on the body... plus he's a tad young to be taking an adult sized dose anyway. I'll, um, I'll be back to check on him later." She finished her work and stepped out of the room again.

I went to Pony's side, running my fingers softly through his hair and finally laying my chin lightly on his head, my arms wrapped over his shoulder. _ Where'd you get the pills from, little brother. And why couldn't you tell me about it before doing this to yourself? _ Darry came over with a chair and sat next to the bed on the other side. He took Ponyboy's free hand and held it to his chin, clamping Pony's long thin fingers between his own hands. He said nothing, just stared off into space.

XXX

He was moved to an upstairs room somewhere around midnight, still not stirring from his slumber. Soda didn't know if we should call the gang or not and I decided against it. There was nothing they could do anyway and we had been asking a lot of them lately. It was high time someone in our gang got to get some rest.

Soda had tried to stay awake with me but he finally gave up that ghost an hour ago. He lay across the bed while still managing to keep his rear in the chair, his hands laying on Pony's side. I got up, fighting the pull of sleep I myself felt at this late hour. I couldn't believe what had happened. After everything else that we've been through, this scenario was just one more I couldn't have guessed we'd have to endure. I ran my fingers through my hair and scratched at the itchy five o'clock shadow spreading across my face. I needed to shave and get this soured taste from my mouth but that would have to wait an untold number of hours more until either Pony woke up and we could go home, or until dawn broke and I could call either Steve or Two-Bit to bring me a change of clothes and my shaving kit.

They had found the remnants of 3 pills total in his stomach. Aspirin and sleeping pills. How many of which was still being determined. I was furious with him, taking pills that he knew he wasn't supposed to take and behind my back no less. He never thinks of the consequences of his actions. I'm sure the state will be by at some point to remind me that my custody is always in jeopardy, and they would be happy to remove my siblings if I can't properly care for them. How do you care for a rebellious fourteen year old?? Answer me that! I was no better at behaving when I was that age...granted, I didn't swallow pills my parents would have whipped me into next week for taking, but I was a bit of a hellion in my own right. It ran honestly in the Curtis gene pool.

I looked out the windows thinking of all the crap I pulled on my parents, shaking my head and laughing silently about some of my own stunts now. My biggest screw up was when the Oklahoma Sooners came to downtown Tulsa and I wanted to go see them. Dad said no, mom agreed and I was forbidden. But....they were my team! I had to go! I went off to school as usual but instead boarded a bus and headed into town, to the conference hall they were appearing at. I was so intrigued looking at my idols that I lost track of time and ended up missing my bus ride home. It was late in the afternoon when I knew I had no choice and called home. I was around ten or twelve then - not like I could just hail a cab. I could hear mom crying in the background during the phone call as dad told me to stay put and came to get me. The whipping I got was painful...couldn't sit for a week. But the part that hurt me the most was seeing the disappointment in dad's eyes and the worry I'd created in mom's. Looking over at Ponyboy, I knew most of the messes he gets into just seem to happen.

And times were different for all of us now. The troubles I got into were nothing like what Pony had to endure. The turf wars - Soc versus grease- had died down considerably since the rumble but grievances between the two still simmered like a wildfire barely under control. Like dominoes falling over, things just happened and no could stop them. Least of all my fourteen year old brother just trying to find his way in the world and yet always seemingly caught in the undertow, being dragged out into the sea of misery. I didn't know what had happened to cause him to resort to this, but I was going to find out. Yeah, I was mad at him for pulling this stunt...but I loved him something fierce too. I was just going to have to find a way to get through to him....just as mom and dad did with me and Soda.

I yawned and finally went to sit in the chair by Soda. I tucked one arm under my head and left my other close by Ponyboy's side. If he woke up during the night I wanted him to know we were there. Both of us. Through good times and bad...we would always be there for each other.

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose.


	14. Revelations

Chapter 14

Revelations

Ugghhhh. My head was splitting in agony. I didn't want to open my eyes, feeling the hot rays of the morning sun on my face already. Something wasn't right. This wasn't my bed...our mattress wasn't this hard. It wasn't Darry's bed either. My face felt wrong too. I reached up to feel my skin when my hand was pulled back down.

"No you don't. No pulling." Darry's voice was commanding yet gentle.

Pulling on what? I wondered. Slowly I opened my eyes, then clamped them shut again, the sun positively burning my eyes.

"Shut the blinds!" I begged, trying to turn away. I heard a chair scratch the floor and the room began to darken some. I looked over, Soda was sitting by my side with Darry and across the room Two-Bit was finishing with the blinds at the window. I squinted at them, trying to piece this together. I, however, was clueless.

"Where am I?" I asked finally.

"Back in the hospital." Soda said, staring at me, making me feel rather uncomfortable.

"What'd I do _this _time?" I asked, unsure of what last happened.

"What do you remember?" Darry asked me.

I thought about it. "I … uh... remember taking a bath. Tim..... Tim wanted to play cards." I pulled my knees to my chest and reached to scratch my head, Darry being very careful for some reason where my hand went.

Then I realized I had something on my face. Something foreign. Hell, I get upset when a zit shows up...what was this! My eyes crossed as I tried to see it and right away went to pull it off me. Darry got to my arms first.

"No you don't little buddy. Leave it, or they'll just have to put it back down again." He was firm on that. However, I was terrified. My eyes gave that away.

"It's a feeding tube, Pony. That's all, don't pull it." Soda explained softly.

"Why...what happened?"

"First, why did you take the pills?" Darry's voice was strong yet not angry. Soda just looked at me. Man I had never seen him both so exhausted and worried at the same time. Two-Bit also came over but stood a few feet away, watching me intently. For once he had zero humor in his face.

"What pills?" I asked, totally a blank on what he was talking about.

"Pony..." Soda said softly but drawing my name out a few extra seconds more than necessary. I looked at them confused...not knowing what they were talking about.... then it hit me, and I scrunched my eyes as tight as I could and tried to sink into the pillow to the point that I was inside it. I tried to hide my face but one arm was still in that damn cast and the other was being held tightly by Darry. All I succeeded in doing was looking like I took a big bite out of a lemon. They just watched me and I hated it. I didn't know exactly what had happened, but if Darry knew about the pills and I was in the hospital from it, well, I'd messed up royally again. Shit! Shit! Shit!

I turned over trying to get away from them, but that didn't work either. Someone was on either side of me. I wanted to have my own pity party with myself as the only invited guest, but they made that a no go. Darry let go of my arm finally and he pulled me to him, I lacked the strength to pull away.

"Just tell me why, Pony. _Why_ did you take the pills?" He asked again softly.

"I had a headache so I took some aspirin. I know you said to stop taking them but ... those Tylenol you bought don't work. I tried them like you asked me to, but they** just...** **don't... work**. And I can't sleep, so I got the sleepers. I only took one...like the bottle said. I swear, that's all! I'd used them all week with no problems. Why? What happened?"

"The sleeping pills were almost the permanent type for you, little guy. Don't you ever, _ever _do this again. My heart simply can't take the anxiety you put me through. Those were adult doses you were taking and they build up over time. Mixing it with the aspirin only complicated it. Luckily, the doc was able to get it out of you before you lapsed into coma."

"How long have I been out?" My voice said coming out quietly from within his embrace. Darry rarely held me. Not since the week of mom and dad's funeral when our placement in Darry's custody was still being considered has he just held me. Then he got too busy working two jobs and worrying about bills and social service calls all the time. Over time, I became more a chore and an issue for him to handle which meant I never got anything right and seemed to become the sole source of all his anger and frustration. I eventually just tried to stay away. Laying here in his lap with his strong protective arms around me, I missed having my oldest brother being here like this, but I knew I must have really, _really_ screwed up to have him be this concerned.

"We brought you in night before last. The doctor expected you to wake up yesterday but you didn't. They almost did you in, little man. No more sleeping pills, okay?"

I nodded my head in agreement. I reached up to my face, feeling the tube in my nose. "Darry, what the hell is this?" I asked quietly.

"Language, Ponyboy. That's a feeding tube. You've dropped too much weight for your size, and since no one knew when you were going to wake up, they had to get some nourishment in you somehow. Feeding you this way also helped to flush the last of the pills out of your system. Now that you're awake, they'll take it out...provided you eat. You_ are_ gonna eat, aren't you?"

"Yeah." I said quietly, wrapping my good arm over his neck. "Darry, I'm sorry I'm such a screw up."

"Aww Pone." He said, patting my arm. "We all have our moments....you just seem to be having yours all at once. But no more. Here, best get you back in bed so the nurse can pull that tube from your schnoz. Once you eat a meal, you should be able to come home." He put me back in the bed and hit the nurse call button. Soda meanwhile pushed my hair back, kissing me on the forehead. I looked at him. He was still worried and tired looking, but a wane smile was there, poking up the corners of his lips. His eyes held a flicker of hope in them.

"I'm sorry Soda. I know I must have worried you too." I said glumly.

"That ain't the half of it kiddo." He said simply. "You and I have a lot to talk about when we get you home."

"You imitating a statue Two-Bit?" I asked. He hadn't moved since closing the blinds a while ago. He smiled at me, finally moving as he stretched his arms over and behind his back.

"Kid, if you're trying to win some contest on which grease can be in the hospital the longest....trust me, the medal is all yours." He came over to me to mess up my hair but I caught his hand in time.

The nurse came in then and smiled. "Well, good morning Mr. Curtis! What can I do for you?"

"Can you get this out of my nose?" I asked, earning a snicker from Two-Bit. I ignored him.

"Are you going to eat?" She asked more like a statement than a question. "Cause if you don't eat then it goes back in. Am I clear?"

"Whoa...before you get all grossified, I'm gonna go get the kid something to eat. Be back in a few." The door closed behind him before the last words were out of his mouth. I hadn't seen Two-Bit move that fast since the latest new blond showed up in his classes. I smiled, turning my attention back to the nurse.

"Yes ma'am." I said. She looked at me then put on some gloves and grabbed a towel. "Hold still." She instructed as the tape was pulled from my face and the tube pulled out. The tape being removed hurt worse than the tube, but I was glad to be rid of it. I rubbed the sore spot on my cheek where the tape had been.

"I'm going to order you a tray, just in case your friend doesn't come back. I expect you to eat. No excuses, because I can put this tube back in just as fast as I can take it out." She said smiling at me.

"Mr. Curtis," She said, turning her attention to Darry. He got up when she called to him. "If he eats he can go home. I'm sure you and your other brother will be persuasive. I'll get the papers ready for his release." She smiled then walked out just as Two-Bit was returning. I didn't care what crap he brought...even if it was bologna...I'd get it down to go home.

XXX

"Okay, kiddo, time to fess up." Soda said to me. Darry was in the kitchen finishing up the dishes and the gang had gone on to their own homes an hour ago. It had been a weird afternoon for me, everyone watching my every movement like I was gonna keel over if they took their eyes off me. I just wanted things to be normal... and they were so fixated on me that any chance of normal was shot to hell. Even Steve was being – _gulp_- nice to me, and I just about couldn't take that. Not when it was so … _not_ _Steve._ I ate dinner, and I was acutely aware everyone watched every bite that went in. I'd be so glad when things were back to the way they used to be.... if that was even possible anymore.

"Fess up about what?" I whispered back.

"Ponyboy, ever since that accident you haven't been you. What's going on in your head? Talk to me, man. How ya feeling?"

I sighed. "I'm tired, Soda. Nothing I do is right, and all I end up doing is making things worse for you and Darry."

"Things only get worse when you take things on yourself to fix. Those pills were a stupid solution, even_ you_ have to see that. You're smarter than this. If the Tylenol wasn't helping your headaches, you should have told Darry or me...we'd have found you something else for it. And sleeping pills? God, Pony...what were you thinking?"

His tone had gone up a few octaves but was still quiet enough to not call in Darry. I was still waiting for that bitching out to happen. I guess he was waiting for later. I sighed again, staring at the ceiling. I felt a few tears roll down my face and was glad for the darkness so Soda wouldn't see. I had disappointed Soda too. The last person on the planet I ever wanted to hurt, and I had done it. Hell, all I wanted was to sleep in peace without nightmares or headaches like a normal person again. I moved my cast a bit, trying in vain to get comfortable, but it didn't work.

"Roll over, Pone." Soda whispered, moving over so I could flop over on my belly and raise the cast over my head to rest on the pillow above me. "You don't need sleeping pills. Ya got me... 'member?"

I felt his hands on my back making circles of different sizes, with different pressures at different places as he rolled his fingers over my skin. He always knew how to do this.

"Soda?" I whispered. The motion of his hands stopped.

"What Pone?"

"I'm..." I had so much to say but I couldn't form the words in my brain to make them make sense. I wasn't even sure where to start. "I'm scared."

He bent down closer to me, wrapping his arm over me resting his hand on my left shoulder. "Scared of what? No one's gonna hurt you. Darry and me won't let anyone mess with you, you know that."

"I ain't scared of being jumped, Soda." I said almost disgusted. "I ain't _that _much of a baby, now am I?"

"No. You're a tuff little greasy hood." He said, laughter masked in his tone.

"I just....I ….." How do I put this so I don't sound off my rocker? "I hear that damn crunch of metal every time I close my eyes and feel like I'm suffocating when I know I'm not. I can't help it." I finally said, watching the hands on my clock going round and round as the night got later.

He squeezed my arm and lay closer to me. "I wish I could take that from your brain, kiddo. But I can't. What do you remember of the accident? How long were you awake in it?"

"I remember the impact...when the truck hit us...hit _me_. I remember everything until I ended up twisted on the floorboard and the cab caved in around me. I remember screaming, then the acidic smoke choked me and I couldn't breathe anymore. I was so scared..." I hadn't realized it but I was shaking. Soda held me best he could considering the position I was in. I felt him smoothing my hair out while his other hand gently went up and down my left arm. I had grabbed the sheets, pulling on them to try to pull myself into them, to stifle the sobs that wanted to come out but I pushed further down, forbidding them release. "I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, I couldn't move, I couldn't scream..... I just felt everything closing in on me, crushing me. I thought I was gonna die. Alone, in the middle of that wreck. That was the last I remember until I woke up in the hospital."

"You're not alone, Pone. We've been with you every second of the way." Soda whispered in my ear. "It'll get better, a little bit every day."

"I hope so." I said as I felt another tear escape. I took a quivering breath and let go of the sheets. Soda returned to work his magic on my back and before long I stopped looking at the clock, closed my eyes and allowed myself to cave in to the feeling of peaceful slumber. As long as Soda was with me, I felt safe.

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose

I hope you folks are enjoying the story so far. It's almost done. Not quite...but almost. Calla!


	15. Saved

I do not own nor make any profit from the writing of this story. Thanks to SE Hinton for her characters!

Chapter 15

Saved

XXX

I sat on the porch sipping on my Coke, Two-Bit droning on and on at my side about something he thought I'd be interested in but wasn't. It was a perfect day, just cool enough to enjoy it but not enough to need a jacket, blue sky overhead dotted with just enough clouds to make shadows float by on the ground. I wanted to go toss the football around and probably would have if not for my cast. Maybe I'd give it a try anyway later. Just three more weeks and I'd be free of it.

"Don't think that when your cast is off that you're gonna be back to arm wrestling and horse playing." Darry warned me. "Your arm is still gonna need work, toning up and getting strength back in it."

"I know, Darry. I know." I did know. I could still look forward to it though.

I got up and headed out the gate, leaving Two-Bit staring at me in shock.

"Hey, where ya headed kid?" He called, catching up with me.

"Just out for a walk. Tired of sitting at the house all the time." I said.

He just eyed me warily. Darry had told me to stay put but I was tired of being held down, captive to my house because I made a stupid mistake with the pills. I had a feeling he wasn't ever gonna trust me again, which is why Two-Bit was my constant shadow until he was relieved of his "Ponyboy Watch" when Steve or Soda showed up. Lately they hadn't been coming home at their usual time. They were up to something, but I didn't know what.

"Pony, you know Darry ain't gonna like this." He warned me.

"Two-Bit, go on home then. I can't stay cooped up in the house all the time. Tell Darry I got away from you.... I wont tell on you."

"Ain't happening, kid." He growled back, keeping up with my stride.

I was stretching it out now, trying to see if I could out walk him. I grinned when I saw him start to fall behind.

"I take it your leg is better!" He panted after we had gone a few blocks from the house.

That stopped me. I hadn't realized it, but he was right. My leg hadn't locked up on me or refused to carry my weight. I looked at my knee and smiled. It didn't hurt, for the first time in two months it hadn't hurt. "I...I guess …. I guess it is. Geez, I didn't even think about it."

"Well, don't go running on it yet, cause I'll never keep up with you if you do. We told you it would get better. You just refuse to listen. And I should know...I have more years of education than anyone in our neighborhood!"

"Two-Bit, I don't think repeating grades over and over again is indicative of being more educated." I said, shoving him.

"Ooooh....wanna get pushy do ya, ya little grease!" He shoved me back, harder than I pushed him and it sent me into the bushes next to me. I was laughing at my situation when a familiar car pulled up.

"Two-Bit, what the hell are you doing?" Darry got out, looking madder than heck.

Two-Bit pulled me to my feet from the scratchy bushes by my good arm, we were both still laughing. "Darry...Darry don't be mad. We were just goofing around." I said, hoping to keep our friend from catching it.

"Pony, what are you doing out here? Get in the car, I'll take you home. Your knee is gonna swell bigger than a watermelon."

"Darry, the kid is fine." Two-Bit said.

Darry stopped and looked at him, then at me and down at my leg.

"It isn't even sore." I said smiling.

"Well, um...do you want a ride?" Darry asked me, looking more at ease than he had in a long while.

"Naw, I'll get back on foot, if that's okay. It's a nice day, thought I'd try to enjoy it some."

"I'm gonna go on then. Get dinner going early. You still have school tomorrow, little man, so you better be home in an hour. Two-Bit..." Darry called, snapping him to attention. "You keep an eye on him, and I mean it when I say an hour."

"Rodger Dodger, Darry. Okay kid, ya got one hour then your back in the big house under armed guard again!" Two-Bit snarled at me. Darry shook his head and drove off.

XXX

We wandered around the neighborhood for that hour and finally ended up in the lot. I found the football and tried to toss Two-Bit some passes, but it wasn't easy. Soda and Steve showed up, walking from the direction of the house and joined in the passing game. I was better at receiving the ball than throwing it, but I did the best I could.

"So, you doing better now, Ponyboy?" Soda asked me.

"Yeah, I guess so. My leg don't hurt. I ain't ready for track yet, but I'm getting there." I said without thinking about it. I looked up and saw the three of them just looking at me. "What?"

"I mean, are _you_ doing okay?" He said again more seriously. He, Steve and Two-Bit walked closer to me and stood there, Steve holding the football in his hands while they all stared at me. I finally knew what he meant, what they all meant.

"I'm fine, Soda. Promise." I said.

"Bout damn time, kid." Steve muttered.

I reached out and grabbed the football from him and tossed it straight up in the air, and he jumped up to catch it before I could. I wasn't going to chance messing up my knee so I let him. He just grinned.

"Think you're quick, do ya!" He said, turning around headed out of the lot. "Soda...come on. We still have to get that other stuff taken care of."

"What are you working on, Soda?" I asked as we headed home.

"You'll see. It's a surprise. Pony..." he said as Two-Bit ran up catch up with Steve, leaving us to walk together. I looked at him, waiting.

"Are you really okay now? That wasn't just a show for the guys, was it?"

I grinned and looked down for a second then back at my brother. "I'm fine, Soda. I wasn't suicidal... the pills were just an accident. And I haven't taken any of them since.... just one or two of the new stuff Darry got me, and they work fine."

"And the wreck.... you still having visions of the wreck, hearing it and stuff in your head?"

I thought about it. It had gone away mostly, once I told Soda what I was afraid of. Then it was like I didn't need to be afraid anymore. I still had a shiver or two at times, but that was like a hiccup, there and gone and no further thoughts about it after it happened. I looked at Soda and smiled, looping my fingers in my pants pockets as we walked up the street to our house.

"No, Soda. It's all over with." I said.

"Good, cause we have a surprise for Darry. Look..."

Tim was standing in front of our yard talking with Steve and Two-Bit when Soda and I got there. Some of the other Shepard gang members milled about on the street, giving me this very uncomfortable feeling. I went up to the porch and leaned on the railing as Soda called Darry outside.

"What is it, Soda? Dinner ain't gonna fix itself …..oh, hey Tim." Darry said, noticing Tim coming up our walk way. I shrunk further down the porch, wishing I could sneak around and go in the back door. Tim didn't notice, or didn't act like he cared if he had. "What brings us the pleasure of your company?" Darry asked, shaking his hand.

"Just returning something that belongs to you." He said then his eyes met mine. Guess he hadn't seen me after all. "Hey, kid. How ya doing?"

"I'm good, thanks Tim." I said in a low voice.

"What do you mean, _returning_?" Darry asked.

Tim put his hand up and signaled to someone, and we all looked up the street where Tim was looking. One of Tim's boys came pulling up in a very familiar black truck. I looked at Soda over at the fence and he and Steve were sliding skin and rapping knuckles with each other and Two-Bit, smiling like there was no tomorrow. I couldn't believe it, they'd actually done it.

Even from my distance I could tell the truck had been fixed to the point that it looked relatively new. There were still pings and dents in it, small ones that didn't matter. It was the same truck though, with a fresh new paint job that hid most of the imperfections.

"What the hell?" Darry went past me off the porch to see his truck. While everyone's head was turned, I used that moment to duck into the house.

"Kid..." Tim suddenly said, stopping me in my tracks with my hand frozen on the doorknob. He wasn't even looking at me when he spoke.

"Yeah Tim?" I asked, not daring to move.

"Unless you've done something to piss me off, which you haven't so far, you ain't got nothing to be scared of. You're a good kid." He turned to look at me, his icy stare chilling me to the core. "Probably be one of the few to make it out of here. If you wise up, that is. Your stunt from last week wasn't smart. I heard you're smarter than that. Get a clue, and get your life back on track, or this side of the tracks is where you'll stay forever. You read me?"

I nodded my head, and went inside. Ever since the rumble, I've avoided Tim. I plan to keep it that way. I went to my room and watched the scene from my window.

"Tim, how'd you do this?" Darry asked. The look on his face was one of disbelief and relief both rolled into one. "What do I owe you?"

"Your boys did the engine work, a talent they are so well known for. I happen to know a few guys who do body work, and another who specializes in paint jobs. They all owed Dallas some favors and I think Dally went owing you and me something too. I made sure those guys didn't forget their bills."

I saw Darry look at Tim concerned, but Tim just shook his head. "Nothing like that, Curtis. We did it cause Dally would have wanted it done. He'd have done it for you, that quiet Cade kid and your other brother..." he looked toward the house but didn't see me. "...you know, the one with the disappearing act. You wanna pay me something, pay me by getting him back on the straight and narrow."

I watched Darry smile and nod as he looked around, not seeing me either. The guy behind the wheel slid out and handed Darry the keys, and Darry got in starting it up. It purred like a kitten... Steve leaned an elbow on Soda's shoulder and they both grinned. They lived for this stuff. Everyone else clapped in halfhearted applause. I got out of my seat and went to the kitchen to finish up the dinner Darry had started, happy he had his truck back.

A while later things had calmed back down. It was just us at the table, and I was trying to make myself eat even though I really wasn't hungry. Darry just kept looking at me and finally when I took my plate to the kitchen, he called me to the door. Soda stood in the hallway entrance, watching me and Darry yet not saying a word.

"Get your shoes on, Pony." Darry said, his keys in his hand.

"Where we going?" I asked, suspecting something.

"Doesn't matter, lets go." He had that tone, so I did as he asked.

He got in the truck and waited on me. I opened the door to the passenger side, looking around. The leather smelled new, there wasn't any glass shards anywhere, nor was there any trace of the collision that almost took my life. My blood was all gone, hand print and all. Still, I hesitated.

"Ponyboy, come on." Darry softly called. I looked at him, unsure, perhaps even fear showing in my eyes. He reached out his hand for me across the seat and I took it. His grip was strong and steady. I finally knew what it was I was reaching for as I made that bloody hand print in the terrifying darkness in the moments after the crash. It was my brother. To help me. To protect me. To save me. He finally had.

Calla Lilly Rose

Thank you!


End file.
